Not as Easy as It Looks

Thanks, Major.

2007-03-11T01:33:00.000-05:00

We Spartans have descended from Hercules himself. Taught never to retreat, never to surrender. Taught that death in the battlefield is the greatest glory he could achieve in his life. Spartans: the finest soldiers the world has ever known.

King Leonidas, from the movie, 300

Really, all I have to say is this:

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

20070426. Ship date. Army. 37F. 5 years. Hooah.

Year in Review

2007-01-01T14:13:00.000-05:00

"Here we are in a month named after the Roman god Janus, an appropriate personification of the start of the new year. This particular Roman god had two faces so that he could look ahead toward the future and back at the past at the same time. As we get rid of an old year and look forward to a new one, we all try to be a little like Janus. We know through experience what we did wrong and what we did right, and hope to do better this year. Some people make ambitious new year’s resolutions; others just take a deep breath and hope for the best..."

Complete Speaker's Almanac

New Year's was a good one. Best New Year's EVER!! Why?? Here's why:

My friend Dan finally took me to a Chris Cagle concert, after two previous attempts to do so. I owe him big time. That seriously was the best night ever!! I love Chris Cagle. And we were RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE! Like, I was touching the stage. Dan even grabbed me the playlist that was taped on the stage that Cagle sweated all over. Hehe...anyway. I hope having a good new year's celebration is an indication of the year to come. With that said...I think it's time for me to reflect on the year I left behind...

High points
1. Duh. Last night. Seeing Chris Cagle. That was great.
2. Seeing the Avalanche play at the Pepsi Center. That, too, was fuckin' awesome.
3. Finally getting out of Michigan. I needed to, and I've made some great friends down here...I think it's changed me a lot, and it's a welcome change. The southern attitude is a lot more laidback, and that's what I need. I don't stress as much as I used to.
4. I had a great birthday. First one in a while. I owe my friends back in Michigan for that. Sure, I got completely shitfaced and had the worst hangover ever, but it was fun...what I can remember of it.

Low points
1. Leaving Michigan. I know, I know. I put it as a high point, but it was also a low point. I miss my family and my friends that are up there...
2. Fuckin' getting RBJ'd again. Seriously. That kinda pissed me off, especially if you know the back story behind it.
...that's really kinda it. I mean, it hasn't been a bad year, but it hasn't necessarily been a good year either. Just another year. So what's to come???

My New Year's Resolutions
1. Fuckin' leave for basic training already.
2. Be able to do multiple pullups.
3. Complete a couple 5ks and 10ks.
4. Be abe to do 50 pushups/80-100 situps in two minutes.
5. Get down to between 15-17% body fat. Currently at 19%.
6. Drop 20 lbs.

That's it. Just wanted to post a blog for the new year.

Like Being Home...

2006-11-30T14:33:00.000-05:00

“The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.”
Carlos Castaneda

Okay, so I know it's been a longggg time since I last wrote, and since I have the opportunity to do so now, I will.

First off, since when does it snow in TEXAS!?! Okay, it's not 'snow' by Michigan standards, but by Texas standards, you'd think it was a goddamn blizzard!! Granted, it's not the best driving weather, which is why I'm here instead of at work, where I'm supposed to be. Oh well!

Okay, since I've been down here, I've had two jobs. When I was in Michigan, I held the same job for two years. It's kinda cool to be able to have the availability to work different jobs, but I like stability in my life. I'm looking at getting a new job as we speak. Ya see, when I first moved out here, I was living in Grand Prairie, which is between Irving and Arlington (basically, smack dab in the middle of Dallas and Fort Worth). I worked first in Irving and my current job is in Arlington. However, I moved. Out to Watauga (or, as I like to call it, Wataugwah). It's a good 30-45 minute drive to work, in good conditions (today, it probably would have taken me an hour-plus to get to work). So I'm looking for a job closer to my new home. What else...been dating some guys. Texas boys are cute and they have that cute-ass southern accent. Nothing serious, though. Just being young and having fun. OH! I also have a new nickname at work. Minnesota. Everyone says I sound like I'm from Minnesota. I can here the accent in some things (like, for example, when I say "Minnesota") and I do say "Eh"...But I also say "y'all" (said it since I was in Michigan!). I just have a fucked up accent, apparently. It adds to my charm. Haha...

On to the good stuff. I'm sure some of my loyal readers, whom I've probably lost in my absence, are wondering, still not in the military. Haha...boy has it been a long ride down here...Found an Army recruiter in Irving. Was working with him (still am)...found out the standards changed. So, I got to where I needed to be and was sent to MEPS. They projected me on Wednesday to floor on the following Tuesday. I get there, stand in line, the guy asks for my social and tells me they don't have my physical. See, they had to get my physical sent down from the Chicago MEPS...Apparently, Chicago didn't process the request until that Friday. So, they were like, "Well, come back later in the week." On the ride home from MEPS, my recruiter gets a phone call from the Station Commander that says they have my physical. WHAT THE HELL!? So, they project me for Thursday. Repeat the process. Still don't have my physical. What happened, apparently, was that my scores showed up on the computer, but they didn't have the paper copy of my physical. They spent the whole day trying to get Chicago to fax my physical down. Find out, my physical was in MILWAUKEE...and they LOST it. So at about 3pm (yes, after I sat at MEPS the whole time doing nothing), they tell me I'm just going to have to re-phys. Fine. Whatever. My recruiter projects me for the next Tuesday. At this point, the whole MEPS front desk staff knows me by name. First name. Which is weird. Anyway...go to get measured...the women didn't know how to tape using the Army standards. They sat there arguing over it. Me and this other girl were like, "Oh, this is great." Anyway. They ended up measuring me wrong...and put me 1% over. My Station Commander threw a fit. So they had a female recruiter re-measure me and she got me under. (This is sounding a lot like my first MEPS trip in Chicago, isn't it?) Then, they had a med staffer who was still there (the rest had gone home) tape me. She got me wayyy under. The Army decided to hold me over to the next day. I was like, "Okay, sure." So I get there Wednesday and they tell me they aren't going to anymore. I guess there was an Army guy who just thought it was suspicious that the whole MEPS staff knew me. DUH! I've been there FOUR TIMES in a WEEK! They didn't want to raise any flags or anything on my case, so they sent me home. RBJ'd until 20070202. Currently, they're working on getting my RBJ cleared since there was such problems with my tape readings. Apparently, the company commander is working on it right now. I dunno. I'll still try because this is what I want to do. I mean, seriously, it seems like maybe all the hassle I've gone through should be a sign that I'm not meant to go Army, but at the same time, I know that nothing worthwhile in life comes easy. So for now, I'm working, trying to find a new job, and just enjoying the Texas life. It's good. I'm not as bitter as I have been...not as dramatic as I normally am. The southern lifestyle has mellowed me out. I mean, there have been things that have royally sucked...like that Air Force job that I was so excited about? Yeah, they wanted me to come interview. But I decided my heart is with being in military as a member, not a civie. It took a lot, but I gave that opportunity up to follow my dreams and my heart. And I'm okay with that. Yay! Haha...anyway...that's really all for now. This blog has gone on for far too long. See y'all!

Momma, I'm Coming Homeeeee...

2006-10-17T09:43:00.000-05:00

"Getting strong is not an easy process and no one ever said it would be. You are going to have to do things that take you out of your comfort zone, pretty much every session. So realize it or get out. If you can’t handle the fact that you need to strain hard then there is a place for you called the 'cardio room'."
Dave Tate

Okay, only for the weekend, but still...

Things in Texas have been a mixed bag...mostly good, except for the missing my friends back home part...been steadily losing weight each week, which is good...getting my ass kicked 4-5 days a week by my trainer...seeing muscles I haven't seen in a while...it's cool...except he just informed me last night that starting Friday (until Monday), I will be taking in NO carbs...or as close to zero as I can get...this means no fruit or veggies, too...basically, I'll be living off of protein shakes, chicken, and cottage cheese...mm...there's a reason for this, and you'll find out below...

Had a full-time job, but quit it...not good at it, didn't want to waste my time in a miserable job...had an interview yesterday for a part-time retail position and the manager was like, "Well, we have this assistant manager position open if you're interested..." I find out in a few days whether I got either position...would like the AM position because it's got more money and hours, but I'll be happy with either...actually, I'm waiting to hear from two other places that I applied at...just part-time stuff...nothing big, no huge career moves or anything...

What elseee...oh...yeah. When I go home this weekend, I'm supposed to be enlisting...my recruiter back home and I have been faxing and emailing shit back and forth to put my packet together...hopefully it'll go well and I won't have to worry about any P/T job...we'll see...

That's really all I can think of writing for now...felt compelled to update this, but I'm not sure why...may add more later if I'm feeling bored enough...

Thank You!

2006-09-14T12:59:00.000-05:00

I'll update y'all later but I just wanted to say thank you to my recent anonymous poster, Sue...new spring in my step...if you can, please get ahold of me!

Long Overdue

2006-07-24T09:58:00.000-05:00

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations."
Anais Nin

Okay...here we go...as from my last post, y'all may know that I'm sitting down in Dallas right now. Let me just say it's a complete 180 from Midland, MI. I mean, the area of Dallas I'm in is kinda similiar to Midland, but not too much. It's suburban, so that's about it. Temps are in the 90s - 100s...which is about 20-30 degrees more than in Michigan. A lot more people, that's for sure. For the suburban area I'm in, there's about 110,000 people (according to my uncle)...in Midland, there's 40,000, maybe 50,000 people. A lot more diverse, too. Midland is very much a white city. I mean, there are other races, but definitely not a lot. Here, the diversity is very noticable. I like it. There's probably as many Spanish radio/TV channels as there are English channels. The only thing I'm not too fond of yet is the driving. Texans will drive for miles with their blinkers on...and the traffic!! I was not born a city girl, that's for sure. Went to Fort Worth the other day...cowboys all around. I could get used to that. And the accent is cute as hell! I love southern accents!! So what am I doing here? Well, my uncle knew I needed to get out of Michigan before I drove myself crazy, so he invited me down here to stay for a bit. Best part is that I get to drive a loud-ass (modified) Dodge Ram - my favorite kinda truck!!!

Other than that, not really a lot has been going on. I celebrated my birthday two weeks ago. I got shitfaced. And that's an understatement. I don't remember much from that night. In fact, there's a point that I don't remember anything after it. Apparently, people kept putting shots in front of me, and I just kept taking 'em like a champ. Granted, by the end of the night, apparently I was throwing up all over the parking lot. It was good to have all my friends around, but watching them made me realize how ecclectic I am. There was a noticable disconnect between my pierced/tattooed friends and all my gym friends. I wish I could remember the night, but I really don't...it was at that point that I decided I'm seriously done drinking. For real. I mean it this time, dammit. I did feel guilty for celebrating my birthday after finding out only a few days before that my friend had been killed. It still gets to me when I think about it. And I'd say that I just don't think about it, but that's a lie. *sigh*

Hmmm...I really don't think there's that much else going on right now...I might try and find a recruiter down here (know any good ones??)...I'm probably going to go up to Sheppard AFB to visit my ex (Shut up, Randy!) and then down to Ft. Hood next weekend to visit a friend of mine. I need to find people around here...my days consist of: wake up, gym, come home, shower, sit around for a bit, eat, head back to the gym...OHH!! Speaking of the gym...found a Bally's nearby...It's no Smitty's, but it works. I ended up walking out of there with a free month membership...they had an online thing for a two-week trial...on it, there was some fine print that said if I didn't win a year membership and brought the pass in within 48 hrs of getting it, that my trial got extended for 30 days...the guy was like, "Damn. I've never noticed that." Pays to read the fine print...thank you Contract Law. Anyway...one of the trainers offered me a free session...he's in the National Guard down here and knew I wanted to join. He was impressed with my PU ability (and I was, too!)...but he took my body fat percentage with one of those hand-held bio-electrical impedence devices. Lemme tell you, those things are about as accurate as the Army tape test. And I swear everyone except the Bally's trainers know this. Your body fat readings on those things can be affected by a lot of different factors, including hydration levels. See...

The use of bioelectrical impedance measurements of the body to assess the fat and fat-free components of an individual is increasing. Before this method can gain widespread application, it is necessary to evaluate the variability of the measurements. A group of 80 men and 83 women was measured in three separate trials of two times per day for two nonconsecutive days. Statistical analyses indicated that determination of a representative value for an individual can be achieved if measurements are made on two days rather than on one day. This finding indicates that the influence of uncontrolled factors, including skin-electrode interactions and body water distribution, impact the measured impedance variables. Knowledge of the need for duplicate measurements to assure representative impedance measurements will assist epidemiologists who seek to use the impedance method for national nutritional surveys and researchers who use this method for monitoring nutritional status of patients.
From: "AN EXAMINATION OF BIO-ELECTRICAL IMPEDANCE ERRORS USING GENERALIZABILITY THEORY"

The trainer swore it was 97% accurate and wouldn't do a caliper reading because apparently the caliper is less accurate than the bio-electrical impedence method. Whatever. Anyway...I wasn't happy with the reading. Oh well. Army doesn't use that method either, so it doesn't matter what my caliper reading or bio-electrical impedence reading is...just the tape. Which is another reason why I wanna find a recruiter down here...

...okay, I'm done babbling for now. Y'all have a good day now, ya'hear? =)

COWBOY ZAMBONI!!!

2006-07-23T19:01:00.000-05:00

...just an FYI...I'm in Texas now. Dallas area. Currently watchin' some 18-wheeler get chased by cops...

Anyway...went to Billy Bob's last night...caught a rodeo...found what I coined a Cowboy Zamboni:

...for those of you not familiar with the game of hockey (*cough*SFC B*cough*) a Zamboni is the machine thingy they use to clear the ice off with between periods.

I'll write more later. Just thought I'd letch'all know I'm not in Michigan now.

RIP Sgt. Benjamin Laymon24 June 2006

2006-07-10T21:27:00.000-05:00

"Be convinced that to be happy means to be free and that to be free means to be brave. Therefore do not take lightly the perils of war."
Thucydides

So...I've been really curious about one of my friends...I mean, he's over in Iraq and I haven't heard from him since June...and I found out he was killed over there. We weren't exactly CLOSE friends...but we joked around all the time about how we were gonna hook up...he's a big Irish guy...my favorite kind. Our last conversation was two days before he was killed. We were joking about how all these married guys seem to hit on me...he then asked if I was going to come visit him when he got back in the States...I said 'Maybe,' and he responded, 'I could get married if that's what you like.' I know a shit-ton of people in the military, many serving now in Iraq or Afghanistan. I was fortunate enough, until now, to not have to feel that pain of losing someone to this war. Ben was a good guy...always made me smile...Looking through our old messages, I asked him once how things were...his response? 'Its ok.....I'm not dead so thats a plus.' Every time I talked about how Michigan sucked, he said it was because I missed him so much...told me to be strong...lol...Also told me not to join the Marines or Army...go Air Force...told me I wouldn't like him anymore if I became a Jarhead. I'm sitting here crying and laughing as I read over our old conversations...he was such a dork...He was stationed at Ft. Hood with the 4ID, and I had told him I might be getting a job down with the Border Patrol in Corpus Christi..."You hand cuff me? I'll put on a straw hat. Ever seen a red headed, white Mexican?" I called him a dork and he called me a gringo...

...I don't know. It's just sad. I always told him to stay safe, and he always told me he would. *sigh* I don't even know the proper response to all this.

In the words of the Roman poet Horace, "Dulce et decorum est / Pro patria mori."

Talking to my friend Sean...a Marine...told him about Ben...told him I didn't know how to feel...it's new to me...so he told me, "Feel proud, you know someone who gave the ultimate sacrifice to give those people the same type of freedom that we have, he did a great thing."

Ben...I'm proud of you. I'm proud of everything you did...of everything you were...I'm proud to have known you. If there is a heaven, I'm sure you're there.

For Shits and Giggles

2006-06-30T08:19:00.000-05:00

I can't believe this shit:
You gotta see this!!

...I'll blog more later, maybe.

Finding MY Place

2006-06-27T08:44:00.000-05:00

"This is the sucky part of growing up - finding your place."
My mom

I broke down at the gym. I walked in, asked my boss when he needed me to come in on Thursday (he needs some extra help), and then he told me he was hiring someone else and giving him some of MY hours. Now, mind you, this wouldn't be much of a concern if I got, say, more than twenty hours a week. But I don't. 16-17 hours max a week. And lemme tell you, the pay ain't so great. I walked away from my boss. Whatever. Fucker. Hopped on the elliptical and about 15 minutes into it, I think I started having a panic attack. Blah. It got hard to breath (it wasn't the elliptical, either) and I just wanted to cry. I seriously feel like my life is falling apart, bit by bit. After about 30 minutes on the elliptical, I left. I went to my grandma's grave and cried. Still crying.

I honestly feel like I don't have a place in this world. I feel like a failure. I feel lost and alone and afraid. I feel like a burden to those around me. I don't feel like being awake...fuck...this...shit.

"I Feel a Big Blog Coming On!"

2006-06-22T19:17:00.000-05:00

"When women are good at what they do, they are not characterized as assertive. They are accused of being ballbusters or bitches. This is a struggle that is magnified in the military because it is still such a male environment – a weird little microcosm of society on steroids."
Kayla Williams, Love My Rifle More Than You (278)

Okay...first off...I found my next car...holy fuck, it's hot...I've seen 'em around town and I want my own!! Say hello to the Dodge Charger SRT8:

6.1L Hemi V8...425 HP...420 ft/lb of torque...mmm...if I were a guy, I'd...nevermind. Moving on...

...I spent a week as an engaged woman. Then I changed my mind (typical female, eh??). I mean, Mike's a great guy and all, but I don't think our relationship is solid enough yet to get married. I mean, that's a lifelong commitment that I'm just not ready for!! He's into God, I'm into...uh...no God? Our communication styles are different. He's in the Air Force...getting stationed in MISSOURI. My job in the Army will station me at Ft. Bragg, NORTH CAROLINA. I've never been the type of girl to want to be the perfect wifey/mother...it's always been about my career. We're just...different. Plus, we only dated for a little bit (and I mean little) before he left for the Air Force. I haven't seen him since April 4th.

Anyway, I got a phone call from my Army recruiter this morning. I kinda looked at my phone like, "What the fuck??" We chatted for a bit...he asked where I'd been...I asked if he normally forgets to return phone calls...haha...I'm going in sometime next week to see him...Kinda renewed my motivation. It was a much needed phone call...

...but I guess Randy took that to mean I needed my ass kicked. So, HE decided going to the ten-mile marker wasn't enough...oh nooo...Onward to the eleven-mile marker! Sure, it's only two miles more (round trip, dude), but damn...that's still a killer...so, twenty-two miles. TWENTY-TWO. I was seriously feelin' like shit towards the five-mile marker on the way back. And I turned into a major bitch (Sorry Randy!!)...and I started getting a cramp in my stomach. I just whine too much. Thanks a lot Randy...He's become my financial adviser, love guru, and now personal trainer. I should pay him. Should. Hahah...

That's kinda all that's been going on. OH! I took the test for the Border Patrol on Tuesday. Needless to say, I'm glad I studied. I was done with the Artifical Language portion of the test in 45 minutes...and I had rechecked it in that time period. I had an hour left to just SIT THERE. Blah!! I thought I was going to go insane. Dunno how I did, dunno when I'll find out...I'll letch'all know...

Metaphorical Basketball with My Face

2006-06-14T16:24:00.000-05:00

Just an FYI...Randy and I did get to see a fawn due to my playing basketball with my face on the pavement...metaphorically speaking of course...it wasn't a big deal to me, but apparently it was to him.

Pavement is NOT a Food Group

2006-06-14T14:13:00.000-05:00

"There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course...'. Then they put the box away...It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dremas on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or bad am I?' That's where courage comes from."
Erma Bombeck

So I was really trying to find this other quote I thought I had somewhere, but I couldn't find it...I went looking through an old notebook from high school that I wrote a buncha quotes in...that was not a trip down Memory Lane I wanted to take right now. I was not in a good place and memories of that did not to be resurfaced right now. Moving on...I was trying to find that stupid quote about judging a person's character not by how many times they fall, but how many times they get back up...which is relevant...

Randy and I went blading yesterday. I was tired and worn out, so we only went out to the five-mile marker and back. Now, most people would find this a sufficient workout, but Randy kindly reminded me that it was only half of what we did Sunday. Fucker. Yeah, we bladed out to the ten-mile marker. That was fun. Hah. Anywayyyy...On our way back to our cars, we were talking about something...I don't remember what, exactly...I think I had mentioned how I don't want to live past retirement. Randy said something about me not wanting to be surrounded by my huge, loving family when I'm 80, and then - WHAM! My face met pavement. It was one of those "Fuck." moments. I kinda rolled over and sat there trying to decide whether it hurt - it really didn't - and whether to cry or laugh. I did both. I was laughing because I'm sure it was hilarious to watch. I was a little pissed because I didn't get to see it. I give Randy props for not laughing his ass off, because I know I would have!! I was crying because, well, it just seemed metaphorical, kinda. Like my life is about to come crashing down, just like me. My life is just a mess right now, with everything that is and isn't going on in it. It's not going how I planned it to go, dammit!! And that I do not like. I'm a perfectionist (in a sense) and very particular about how I want my life going. So for it to NOT be going as I planned is seriously throwing my life off of balance. I'm waiting for my metaphorical face to hit the metaphorical pavement here anytime now. I was also a little upset that there wasn't as much blood as there should have been. Just a scrape on my forehead. I thought I woulda broken a tooth or my nose, but nooo...no such luck! I'm a tough cookie, I guess. I really don't know how it happened either. It just did. Hah. Klutz. =)

You can hardly tell:

I know, I know. I whine a lot. It's my blog, I can whine if I wanna!!

I Realized I Was Happy and It Scared Me

2006-06-07T08:34:00.001-05:00

"I Realized I Was Happy and It Scared Me"
Rich Ives

Something had to have been here before me
for here to be here, so sometimes
I say I'd like a little silence,

to see if I can discover what it was,
but what I really want is quiet, in which
you hear just a few things

better, which is not silence,
in which you hear one thing
Again and again and again

and it's not even there.

(This was Slate's weekly poem, and something about it hit me...replace "Happy" with "Growing Up"...)

Oh, For Fuck's Sakes!

2006-06-06T19:32:00.000-05:00

Lemme just clear something up, because I tend to be a bit touchy...

I AM STILL PLANNING ON JOINING THE MILITARY AT SOME POINT.

However, if you LIVED IN FUCKING MICHIGAN, you'd understand my desire to get the hell up on outta here...which is what I'm trying to do by finding a real job. I mean, I've spent the past two years working a job that, while I love it, has nothing to do with my degree, and frankly does not provide me with enough hours/wages to live off of...

So after spending all this time avoiding the real world (I'm rolling my eyes right, you just can't tell), I figured it was time to get my feet wet. I don't feel that I spent my time in college avoiding the real world...it's a means to an end...I was given an opportunity to get a four-year degree FREE OF CHARGE. Like I'm going to pass that up. Grr...I'm going to bed.

Oh Geezus...

2006-06-06T09:31:00.000-05:00

"Growing up leads to growing old and then to dying and dying to me don't sound like all that much fun."
The Authority Song (Sent to me by Randy in an email)

Yeah, I know...over a week and I haven't posted...I'm sure y'all missed me, right? Mmhmm...

I had a new revelation this past week: I am not ready to grow up yet!! It seems like all these things that grown ups do are starting to happen to me!!! ME!!! *sigh* Jobs...credit cards...marriage!?!? Oh man, oh man...I am not ready for this shit...My mom gave me some money to get some stuff at Staples (resume paper, printer cartridge, portfolio thingy, etc etc - grown up stuff), and I almost broke down...haha...I was kneeling on the floor looking at portfolios and this guy came over to ask if I needed help with anything...I wanted to ask if he'd grow up for me...but I just asked if they had any more printer cartridges...which, apparently, they did and I just TOTALLY missed the one I was looking for...but I swear there were none over there when I looked...!! Anyway, been putting together a resume for a federal job (which means I hafta follow the format outlined in OF 510) and it's just boring. My resume makes me look...blah. The quals for the job are basically good grades...that's it...and preferrably a degree in my area...so, yay...but I feel like I need something that sets me apart from all the other CJ/PoliSci majors that graduated summa cum laude...yuck. I live a sheltered, sheltered life. I made mention that I've been taking classes through FEMA's National Emergency Training Center, but I dunno if that will matter since it's not TOO relevant to the job. My dad is trying to hook me up with a spot with the county as a reserve Deputy...that MIGHT help. MIGHT. Plus, I get to carry a gun.

Let's see...what else...oh...under the wise advisement of my financial advisor, Randy, I decided to apply for a credit card. It's not something I will ever use much, but just something to build up my credit. I'm 22 years old and I don't own a credit card. Apparently that's weird. But there's a reason! I know I would have been irresponsible with it. The more I think about it though, the more I realize this may help me right now because I'm sure there will be expenses related to these jobs I've been applying for that having a credit card will help with. Like, travel. *sigh* I really don't want one though...my deciding factor on which card to get: I could get a Colorado Avalanche card. Haha...I'm a dork, but I love my Avs!!

Oh. I also threw away six years of vegetarianism and started eating chicken. Just chicken. No seafood, no red meat, no pork. Chicken. I figured SOMETHING in my diet has to change, so maybe I'll give the low-carb thing a go...although I still feel guilty eating meat. Such is life, eh?? I'm a bad, bad person. Poor chickens!!!

Geez...I feel like there should be more going on in my life, but there really isn't Same shit, different day. Gym...home...gym...home...rollerblade with Randy...home...gym...blah. You get the picture. Which is why I'm trying desperately to get out of here. I have no life here. There's little intellectual stimulation for me...which is why I enjoy rollerblading with Randy. It's one of the few times I have conversations with people that go beyond, "Shouldn't you be gone by now" or something related to the gym/fitness/etc...Granted, talking to Randy I sometimes realize how little of an education I really got...I would love to know more about certain things...but I just don't have the attention span anymore to learn about them...I mean, I would if it weren't for the fact that once I start researching stuff, I dive headfirst into it, and end up wanting to look at 20 books on the subject and about 50 articles or something...helped me a lot in college (profs were impressed by my extensive research), but now it just bugs the hell outta me. *sigh* Oh well...

Anyway...I have chicken in the oven that I better go check on...

Remembrance

2006-05-29T09:35:00.000-05:00

"The country that sent us off to war was not there to welcome us home. It no longer existed. We answered the call of one President who was now dead; we followed the orders of another who would be hounded from office, and haunted, by the war he mismanaged so badly.
Many of our countrymen came to hate the war we fought. Those who hated it the most - the professionally sensitive - were not, in the end, sensitive enough to differentiate between the war and the soldiers who had been ordered to fight it. They hated us as well, and we went to ground in the cross fire, as we had learned in the jungles.
In time our battles were forgotten, our sacrifices were discounted, and both our sanity and our suitability for life in polite American society were publicly questioned. Our young-old faces, chiseled and gaunt from the fever and the heat and the sleepless nights, now stare back at us, lost and damned strangers, frozen in yellowing snapshots packed away in cardboard boxes with our medals and ribbons."
From the prologue of We Were Soldiers Once...and Young by Lt. Gen. Harold G. Moore (Ret.) and Joseph L. Galloway (and yes, I've used this quote before, but it seemed fitting)

Spawned by SFC B's recent post and last night's airing of We Were Soldiers on CBS, I felt compelled to write my own.

I'm a daddy's girl, ask anyone who knows me. I'm a spoiled brat, hence how I earned the nickname 'Princess' at the gym. I've always looked up to my father and I've always felt closer to him than to my mother. He served for in the Marine Corps for three years during the Vietnam War. Some would say, "That's it? Three years?" but others know that's far longer than necessary, especially with that war. I always felt like my dad's service took something away from him, and he rarely talked about it. He talked about being a Marine and boot camp (he still laughs about certain memories from San Diego - he was a Hollywood Marine), but rarely about Vietnam. Part of me was hurt because I felt like I didn't know him really. Once I got into college, I started researching the war and doing projects on it as much as I could. I learned things I didn't want, nor need, to know. Most of all, though, I think I learned more about my dad and the other vets that served.

I remember when the first group of Operation Iraqi Freedom were coming home. My dad was livid. They got the parades and celebrations that he never got. He felt shafted. He spoke about it once, and I think that's when it hit me. These men and women who are serving today got something he never did - respect. Sure, there are still the protesters here and there, but more importantly, there are the supporters. Rarely can I take a trip in my car without seeing someone with a yellow ribbon on their car or some sort of "Support Your Troops" sticker. People today are much more educated on how war works than they were during Vietnam. They are able to separate the troops from the leadership. They understand that those who are over there giving their lives are not the ones who decided to start the war, or continue it for that matter. This was something many people didn't understand during the Vietnam era. Like Lt. Gen. Moore said, "Those who hated it the most - the professionally sensitive - were not, in the end, sensitive enough to differentiate between the war and the soldiers who had been ordered to fight it." I'm thankful that we can acknowledge that difference today, but at the same time, pissed that we couldn't back then. We're making up for lost time nowadays as we realize the error of our ways from the 60s and 70s and make some sort of restitution to those vets who so valantly and selflessly served for no reason other than patriotism and pride (bonuses and benefits weren't as abundant those days as they are now). There are times when I'll see someone wearing some sort of Vietnam vet paraphanelia and I want to go up and thank them, but I know how hurt my dad was about his service and I don't want to step on toes.

SFC B talked about how when he was younger and his trip the Vietnam Veterans' Memorial. I, too, made that trip once. It wasn't on some patriotic holiday or anything, just some time during the summer when my sister and I were off from school. My parents have friends that live in Baltimore, so the trip to Washington D.C. was just a day thing. To be quite honest, I was more excited about seeing the pandas at the National Zoo than I was about seeing the war memorials. I was 8, what do you expect? I didn't understand why I couldn't go be with my dad as he walked the length of the Wall. I do now. The names on that Wall are people he served with. Brothers in arms who he never again saw. SFC B considers his dad one of the lucky ones, because he got out alive and unscathed, physically or mentally. However, in talking with my dad, I know that's not true. My dad always said he was one of the unlucky ones, the ones who got out. The ones who have to live with those memories every day and every night. The ones who are still haunted by their service, no matter how long or short it was. The ones who still jump at loud noises, a remenant of dealing with bombs and arty attacks (my dad passed this on to me, as anyone at the gym can attest to). My dad has a shirt that says it best - "I'm guaranteed a place in heaven because I've already served my time in hell."

It's because of the selfless service of those before me that I choose this path with my life. Sure, I could go on to do great things in the civilian world, but what would it matter? What purpose would I be serving? I have all these backup plans in case the military doesn't work out, but they're just that - backups. I'm thankful for every Soldier, Marine, Airman, Sailor, and Coastie who has served and who continues to serve today. As I write this, Billy Ray Cyrus's song "Some Gave All" is playing on the radio. I'll leave it at that...

All gave some and some gave all.
Some stood through for the red, white and blue,
and some had to fall.
And if you ever think of me,
think of all your liberties, and recall,
some gave all.

Just a Note

2006-05-27T14:12:00.000-05:00

...I bitch a lot. I really should have a more positive attitude.

Where'd I Go??

2006-05-27T12:05:00.001-05:00

"Seriously, you have put forth so much more than anyone I have ever met. When you do get in, you will go far. People with your drive and discipline are the ones who make a difference."
My friend John

This is from my MySpace blog, which is nowhere as cool as this one is.

Prepare for a vent...

It's one of those days when I don't even know why I bothered getting up. I got on the scale today and was not happy. At all. I'm smart enough to know what I need to do (eat more and eat more frequently) but too stubborn to do it (well, if I eat more, I'll gain more weight...if I cut my carbs, I won't have the energy to run...etc etc etc...). I feel stuck right now. I have no purpose in my life, other than Friday, Sunday, and Wednesdays when I'm actually expected to be somewhere. And even with that, I'm replaceable. I'm 22 years old, I have a college degree - but no experience in anything - and I live with my dad. I've spent the last couple years trying to do something with my life (namely, serve my country), but even that doesn't want to come to frutation because I'm too 'fat' or 'overweight' or some other stupid means that the military uses to determine whether one is 'fit' for service. It doesn't matter to them that when I'm actually motivated to train right, I can run a sub-8:30 mile (sure, not exactly great, but I'd love to see what the average entry-level female enlistee's run time is...) and knock out 25 pushups in a minute. *sigh* But, because I don't weigh less than 160 lbs or measure under 36% body fat (according to Army standards, which are completely arcane and pointless...christ, learn to use calipers!), then I must not be 'fit.' I used to love working out; now it's a chore I dread. I used to love running, but not anymore. Trying to fit into someone else's mold has ripped apart who I am. It goes against everything I stand for, yet it's what I want. Explain that one to me! Explain how I, Chelsea Rider, love to do things that set me apart in some way, but at the same time want to do nothing more with my life than join an organization whose training focuses on, among other things, beating the individual out of you. It's like everywhere I turn, there's a brick wall in my way...I keep trying to tell myself, "Nothing worthwhile in life is easy," but honestly, does it have to wreak this much havoc on my life? I should be happy, but I'm not.

I'm beginning to lose my patience with myself, more than anything. I want the girl I was last summer, when I would be at the gym EVERY day, trainin' my little heart out...LOVED working out. Could run 5 miles easily, with energy still left in me to Spin for 80 minutes afterwards. Those were the best workouts. And now, the only motivation I can find in the mornings is to get up and turn my alarm off at 0415 then crawl back in bed. This past week, I worked out twice, with two half-assed workouts thrown in for good measure. I've had to work all week, and all I wanna do when 1400 comes around is crawl into bed and sleep. So I do. And sleep some more. I try to surround myself with motivating things, but it doesn't help. I'm reverting to old ways, which is never good.

Wow. That was long. I'm sorry. It's just one of those days when I question my own purpose for getting up anymore. Yuck.

In Case...

2006-05-26T11:24:00.000-05:00

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet."
Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Just in case y'all care, I got a new AOL Instant Messenger name. It is:

iRiSHSuGaRBuTT

That is all. Carry on.

Sorry Randy!!

2006-05-25T19:00:00.001-05:00

"Never quit. It is the easiest cop-out in the world. Set a goal and don't quit until you attain it. When you do attain it, set another goal, and don't quit until you reach it. Never quit."
Bear Bryant

So, right now, I think I'm under a Tornado Watch...maybe not anymore, but we were...and lemme tell you, I hate severe weather like that...when I was younger, I used to pile all my teddy bears (well over 150) in blankets and drag them downstairs, so in case a tornado did hit, the bears would be saved! *sigh*

Anyway, I've been working all week. My boss ruptured his Achilles' Tendon last week, and had surgery on Tuesday. So I've taken his place for the time being. He'll be back Tuesday...can't say I'm disappointed. It's kinda boring during the day at the gym. So I sit there and read shit. I studied for the Border Patrol test yesterday. Holy shit. Because of the nature of the job, Border Patrol Agents need to speak Spanish. So, part of the examination is either a Spanish profiency test or an Artifical Language Test (it tests your ability to learn a language). Lemme tell you, that part about killed me...I sat there behind the desk staring at words like "almanlek" (government) and "liaker" (to injure), conjugating and genderizing and pluralizing and past participling...*sigh* Obviously, these are not real words...but it got to the point where sentences like "Vollenefoz kapleknefozae synzotim more yevnefae failek" made sense to me!! Oh man...haha...and this guy came up while I was trying to conjugate some word, slammed his gallon jug on the counter scaring the shit outta me. I wanted to get up and smack him. Hard. I couldn't concentrate again for a while.

After I got home from work yesterday, I fell into bed and slept for four hours...and then again...and again...and I could not get up in the morning...I finally had to drag myself outta bed so I could get to work. Blah. Well, in the meantime, my mysterious vanishing Army recruiter reappeared. He called yesterday, but because I was in various states of sleep, I was not in the mood to answer the phone. And he called again today. So I called him back..."Hey, lemme call you back in five minutes, I'm at the gas station." Okay. Did he? No. Blah.

I've got a confession to make to the blog world. I'm in love. With an Airman. *sigh* Haha...for real though...

My Zoomie

He graduated on the 19th...I couldn't make it down to Lackland (no cash)...but, my mom is moving to Dallas (I have no idea why any SANE person would move from DENVER to DALLAS!), and he's Tech School is at Sheppard AFB, about two hours away. Yay. Happy girl. It sucks that he's gone (for now), but things happen for a reason, right?? His mom and I go to lunch about once a week. It's hilarious - the first time I asked her to lunch (to be a good girlfriend and take care of his mom while he's gone), she thought I did it because I was pregnant!! I about died laughing. The other night, I had dinner at their place, and Mike's sister and her boyfriend and daughter were there, too. It was cool. His sister is like, "Welcome to the family!" I feel like I've spent more time with his family than with him!! At least in past 6.5 weeks I have. I'm glad we get along. Granted him being in the Air Force doesn't help my decision at all...at all!!

Let's see...what else, what else! Oh, yeah, Marines are a no go. I mean, part of me would love to be a Marine, but another part of me wants intel experience, which the Marine recruiter kindly told me he could not guarantee me a slot in the intel field. Don't get me wrong, I've said it once and I'll say it again: I'm joining to serve my country. But, at the same time, I'd like to be able to walk away from my military service, either in five years or twenty years, with some intel experience under my belt. Oh well, such is life, eh?? I know the one person in my life (or at least, was) told me to join the Marines because I'm 'hardcore,' I just can't do it.

Hmmm...I think that's all, really, that's been going on. Nothing, really - par for the course, eh?

OH!! GO HEADBUTT A BULLET!!

Always Questionin'

2006-05-20T08:21:00.000-05:00

"Exercise and physical fitness obviously require time and effort. But to excel -- and why bother to undertake an undertaking unless you expect to exceed -- you must have passion. Passion is unbridled enthusiasm, energized desire, inner excitement. It is not going through the motions, aimless poking along. Passion comes from within, from the heart, and it is stimulated by an outside source, motivation. Traced to its roots, passion is kin to inspiration."
Dave Draper, Confession of a Lifter

Hmm...I guess I should probably update this thing since I haven't had a real update in a while, eh?? First, and the worst of my news (I think), my poor Colorado Avalanche got swept outta the second round of the Finals. SWEPT! For those of you who aren't familiar with sports terminology, to be swept (v.) means that one has not won a game in a whole series. Since NHL Finals are best-of-seven series, it takes four games to win. Basically, my Avs lost four straight games. Four. Straight. Games. Lost. *sigh* The only thing that kinda takes the sting outta it was that at least they made it to the second round...unlike another a team I'm quite unfond of.

Let's see...what else...Oh. I haven't heard from my Army recruiter in weeks. I hear from the Marine and Air Force recruiter at least once a week. I've learned that, with this particular Marine recruiter, you cannot not talk to him for a coupla days, or else he gets all in a panic that you're dead or something. I went to Chicago last week for a few days to visit my best friend (it was her birthday), and I lost my phone. Found it (please don't ask where) and had like, 15 voicemails and a coupla text messages from him. It made me laugh. I had no way to get ahold of him because I didn't have his card, so the last time I was at his office, he gave me his card..."Now you don't have an excuse!" Damn. He's pretty confident (which is reassuring) that he can get me in the Corps by the end of the month (today is the 20th...there are only 11 days left of the month) and ship on the 5th of June. See, unlike the other branches, if I can pass an Initial Strength Test with a semi-first class score, they can get me a waiver for my weight and stuff. Now, I don't understand why the Marines can do this, but no other branch can. Granted...that flexed arm hang kills me. I have the weakest grip EVER. *sigh* It's only a minute of my life...haha...

...so, yeah, I can become a Marine, but do I want to? That's the question I've been wrestling with ever since the recruiter dropped the news. It's in my heart to be a Marine, but is that enough? Of course, I always tell people to follow their own hearts...take my own advice, eh?? I over-analyze every little decision I make...but this one is a big'un! Think it's time to write a pro/con list...is it bad I'm having this hard of a time deciding on a branch!?

In the meantime, I've been applying to FBI/CIA jobs that I get in my email that I might be even minimally qualified for. It just sucks because I lack any law enforcement experience. My dad apparently is gonna work his charm and get me a spot as a reserve deputy on the Sheriff's Department. It's unpaid, but law enforcement experience. I still have the test date for the Border Patrol on 20 June 2006, so that's good to go...I've also enrolled in some online classes through FEMA and the National Emergency Training Center. Currently, I'm enrolled in "Principles of Emergency Management," "Introduction to Mitigation," "Emergency Response to Terrorism," "Introduction to Hazardous Materials," "Diaster Basics," "Hazardous Materials Prevention," and "Introduction CERT." What can I say? I like to keep myself busy...They're all self-study, so I go at my own pace. Gives me something to do at work, that's for sure. Plus, makes me more marketable to say I've taken such-and-such courses through a government-funded agency, ya know?

That's really all that's been going on. I picked up one day at work. Woo. Friday and Sunday are mine!! Hahaha...although, my boss just injured himself, so I might get some morning shifts, too...WOO! Unless of course they give 'em to the new kid. In which case, I'd quit. Fuck 'em. I've worked there for over two years. *sigh*

Quickie!

2006-05-13T08:40:00.000-05:00

From the halls of Montezuma/To the shores of Tripoli/We fight our country's battles/In the air, land, and sea..."
Marine Corps Hymn

Take the quiz:
Which Military Branch Do You Belong In?

Marines
You are a gun-ho Marine! You are willing to do everyone's dirty work (with the help of the Navy.) and you are willing to risk your life for your country in the biggest way!

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

...that is all.

Mota, Mota, Gotta Lotta Motivation!

2006-05-08T09:56:00.000-05:00

"Don’t blame the mirror for an ugly face."

Blah. Man oh man. Okay, I lied. I don't 'gotta lotta' motivation. I'm lucky to get in ONE workout a day lately, so two has been outta the question! *sigh* Just in one of those moods where very little seems to be going my way...Plus, my piercing is infected...again. Fuck. *sigh* After it heals, I'm taking it out. This is too much hassle for a cute piece of metal that looks weird. Besides, I'm sick of people coming up and asking if it hurts. Especially drunk girls who want to touch it. I flat out told her, "You touch it, and I will beat your ass." Hah. I'm a bitch. =)

I'm not even sure why I'm blogging right now. Maybe it's because I haven't since the 2nd? Not much has happened since then. My Avalanche have been sucking big time against the Ducks, so I'm none too happy about that. I did, however, put my "Red Wings Suck" bumper sticker on my car. Let the wrath begin.

Other than that, I've been in a very antisocial mood. I went and saw yet another recruiter the other day, thanks to my sissy. I guess he goes into her work place and she tells him about me. He used to work with my current Station Commander. I told him I'd come in again today, but I changed my mind. I let him know I'd much rather continue working with my current recruiter and that I appreciated the time he took to talk to me. He's good people, but so is my recruiter. I don't blame him for anything that's happened. We've been working together on this Army thing for about a year, and I'm not one to give up so easily. Speaking of my recruiter, I went to lunch the other day with my friend's mom and as I was driving to the restaurant, I roll up next to this guy in ACUs on a motorcycle. I knew it was the SC because he's always talking about his bike, and really - who wears ACUs in public in a non-military town except recruiters and those on drill. He didn't notice me, or cared not to acknowledge that I was RIGHT NEXT TO HIM! Eh. Anyway, about two hours later I get a phone call from my recruiter..."So it was really nice of you to wave or something earlier. I passed you on the road." I didn't realize he was RIGHT BEHIND the SC. My bad. I laughed. He was like, "I was in my truck (very distinctive), how could you not!?" Well, I was too busy avoiding the wrath of the SC in leather. =)

That is all.

Oh...and I noticed that there are hits on my blog from Ft. Jackson. I swear, I hope it's not a future Drill Sergeant of mine!! The last thing I need during Basic is DS to start ripping on something that I said in my blog...although it would be quite funny...I don't need to be laughing during Basic, though!!

Stepping Stone

2006-05-02T10:33:00.000-05:00

“Please tell your government and everyone in your office to go fuck themselves.”
Henry Rollins (sooo hot!)

Haha...my sentiments exactly! Kinda. So, I've been thinking a lot lately. I'm 22, right? Yeah, I am. Army cut-off age is 42. I got twenty years of eligibility left. I should get out of Michigan and get a real job. Or another degree. I was looking online earlier today and found a shit-ton (that's a lot in the metric system) of openings for Border Patrol Agents...Hmm...It's a phsyically demanding job (for the most part), would be in an area that I got my degree in (Criminal Justice), and is in National Security (Customs and Border Protection is now part of the Department of Homeland Security). I figure I could put in some time doing that, save some cash, gain residency in Texas (where they're hiring), then apply for grad school at Texas A&M to get my Masters in International Affairs with a concentration in National Security Affairs. After all that, I could then re-try for the military and still be relatively young. I'm just trying to have a backup plan, ya know? My body can only take so much of one thing at a time...

...oh, and I went to a bodybuilding show this past week. I got bit by the competition bug. I could do that shit. Man, there was this one girl on stage in the figure division that should not have been there. She had to be a good 170lbs and sitting at well over 30% body fat. She had no defintion whatsoever! It was sickening. I wanna know who told her she looked good enough to get on stage in a figure suit (ever seen those things!?). I mean, I'm in better shape than she is! OH! If I did do a show, it would be a drug-tested one. I couldn't hang with the 'roided up shemales. There was one sitting behind me and I swear at first I thought she was a gay male with whacked-out fashion sense. Hell, even when she talked, she sounded like a gay guy. It wasn't until her friends started calling 'her' Rose that I realized she was infact a 'she' who happened to be on steroids. I kid you not, she looked like Chris Kattan's Saturday Night Live character, Mango - that is, if Mango did steroids:

Apparently she was 2005 Novice Michigan Bodybuilding Champion...

The two shows I've considered doing are in late September and early October. Maybe. I talked to my friend, who's a competitor, and he's offered to help with the diet and training if I'm serious about it. We'll see. Maybe.

PAIN! IN MY LEGS!!

2006-04-27T11:38:00.000-05:00

“I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.”
Carol Leifer

I still hurt. I still cannot get up my stairs in less than a minute...hehe...OW OW OW!! My boss thinks it's hilarious...I oughta beat her. We did chest yesterday...She made me bench 135 for reps...I didn't think I could...I was impressed that I actually could...more than once. I was expecting to not be able to move my upper body today, but I'm okay. I think it's because I actually do strength-train my upper body...just not my legs...ever again. I can't run, I can barely walk. Blah! I had to teach Spin yesterday morning, too. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to. But it actually felt good. I mean, I couldn't feel the pain. Until, of course, I hopped off the bike. Fuck. I want it to go away!!! I didn't go to the gym this morning...I feel guilty, but I think my legs need to rest. I just wanna curl back into bed and sleep...

OH!! MY AVS ARE UP 3-0 TO DALLAS!! AND THE WINGS ARE DOWN 2-1!! Life is good. I love hockey. I think I gotta stop watching it though. I woke up this morning and had to clean up all the empties around my house...hehe...I have over $2.00 in refunds sitting my car now...And it was just Shanny and I...but it was fun. I love hockey. Or as SFC B calls it, "puckyball." =)

Okay...done drinking for a while now...gotta get back on focus...10 May 2006 I'm headed to Illinois to take an IST for the Corps...Gotta get a first-class score...Minimum of 60s flexed-arm hang, 8.5min mile, and 75 crunches...that's the minimum to get the First-Class score...Maximums are 70s flexed-arm hang, 7min. mile, and 100 crunches...Can do. No, no no. Will do.

Time for a nap.

Perfect!!

2006-04-25T10:12:00.000-05:00

"I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out."
Rodney Dangerfield

Oh man, do I ever love this time of the year! Hockey playoffs!! My team, the Avalanche, almost didn't make it. The Avs game that I went to when I was out in Denver was a make-it-or-break-it game for 'em, and luckily they won. They're 7th seed and playing Dallas in the first round. Dallas is a formidable opponent opponent...they are 2nd in the Western Divison after all...Anywayyyy...My Avs are up 2-0...KICK ASS!! And Detroit, the team I HATE the most, are tied with the Oilers (8th seed)...I have a feeling Detroit ain't gonna make it outta the first round...But last night was a good night...Hockey games all over the place...My friend, Shanny (the one I consider responsible for my hockey passion), came over and we watched the Devils-Rangers (4-1), Canucks-Hurricanes (6-5 Double OT), and Avs-Stars (5-4 OT) games (The Sabres also blew away the Flyers, 8-2). It's nice to be able to watch hockey with someone who appreciates the game. Yes, sadly, alcohol was involved, but it's a necessity. Hockey games are best viewed with an alcoholic beverage in hand...It's gonna be a longgggggggg playoff series.

So yesterday, I got my body fat tested again. The last time I had it done was in January. I'm still under 20%, which is all I want right now...Afterwards, my boss and I were talking about ways to lean out my legs. She decided I needed to train them again since I haven't trained them in forever. O...M...G! I cannot move today...It was not fun. Band sqats...TEN sets. We'd do as many reps as possible in 30 seconds, rest a minute, then go again. Did five sets with black bands, then another five with black AND green bands. It wasn't fun. After some more leg work, she decided the best way to finish it up was with walking lunges on the treadmill. FUCK FUCK FUCK! I walked (okay, limped) into the gym this morning ready to attack. If I could have moved. I tried running. Wow. Pain. And for some reason, my shoulder was bugging me, so I asked my other boss if he had some muscle rub. Bad decision. DO NOT accept muscle rub from a powerlifter. Those fuckers use some strong ass shit, lemme tell you! I think I have third degree burns on my shoulder. *sigh*

Anyway...that's really all that's been going on today. OH! Found a reason the Marines might be a tad better than the Army - Marines sponsor a "Player of the Game" in the NHL...Army sponsors a NASCAR car. Hmm...Hockey or NASCAR? HOCKEY!!!

Oorah??

2006-04-21T08:58:00.001-05:00

"Some people live an entire lifetime and wonder if they have ever made a difference in the world, but the Marines don't have that problem."
Ronald Reagan

Okay...so I got some pretty awesome news the other day. Thanks to Ms. KC, I have found a Marine recruiter who is willing to work with me. YAY! With my father being a Marine, my dream has been to follow in his footsteps (as much as he hates it). I've had far too many people tell me I'm more suited for the Corps because of my personality. I was talking to my grandmother once about which service to join and she said Marines. "Look at what it did for your dad." (Mind you, this is my mother's mother, not my father's mother.) My response, "But Twinky, the Marines are hard core." "Chelsea, you're hard core." Do you know what that's like to hear that from your grandmother!? The only reason I haven't pursued that avenue was that there were no recruiters around here that were willing to work with me. Apparently, according to this new recruiter, the Michigan Marine recruiters are all dickheads. Hahah...duh! =) But anyway, this new guy is totally willing to work with me. He said he can me in, even if I'm not at weight, so long as I can basically max an IST (Initial Strength Test). To do that, I need to run 1.5 miles in about 12-13 minutes, do a 70-second flexed arm hang, and 100 crunches in 2 minutes. The run and crunches I'm not worried about...it's the flexed arm hang I'm scared about. I swing too much when I do it, and it makes me lose my grip. I think I'm just gonna work on pullups and lat pulldowns and biceps work to help me. *sigh* Other than that...man, I'm psyched!!! Thanks KC!! Hehe...

OHH! Li'l drama in the blog world...haha. There's a blog, Politics of a Patriot, that I stumbled upon one day. Towards the beginning of her blog, she was sounding a lot like me. Except she's an extreme conservative. To each their own. I'm neither Democrat nor Republican. I align myself with no political party or leaning. I tell people I'm THE MOST apolitical political science student EVER. I'm more concerned with the why of politics, not the what or how. I'm a philosophy student at heart. Anywayyyy...point made: I'm not a Democrat or a Republican or an Independent. Whatever. Moving on. She had an entry that was the same as my adidas quote a few entries ago. I commented on it...and then she attacked me. Haha. "...Maybe you should be thinking about a new diet and exercise program, if your posts on your blog is any indication." When KC came to defend me, Ms. Patriot responded, "And KC, no offense, hon, but if you plan on making it in the Corps, you better start getting in a lot more shape if you think that someone who is too overweight to get in the military is 'more in shape than many of us could hope for.'" It makes me laugh. I could have commented back, but I decided to bring it to my own blog. Apparently, Ms. Patriot has not heard of the concept of 'muscle'. It's cool. I'm sitting at about 18.5% body fat, and AVERAGE for females is 22-25%. But I'm fat. And outta shape. Right? Hahah. Rightttt. I just find it funny. I can almost guarantee her DIs will have a hay day with her...apparently, she doesn't think Marines curse or drink or anything...HAHAHAH! I can only hope I run into her Republican ass in the Fleet. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I think that in the military, politics become a moot point. I mean, yeah, soldiers and sailors and airmen and Marines and Coasties all have their opinions, but in the end, their job is the same and politics make no difference. I've quoted it before and I'll do it again: "When I serve my country as a soldier, I’m not going to serve her as a Democrat or as a Republican, I’m going to serve her as an American." (Anton Myrer) My Army recruiter LOVES that quote. He gets it. Ms. Patriot will too, someday. Or at least I hope so. I just hope she doesn't take that attitude to OCC or something.

I'm done ranting now. Have a nice weekend, y'all!!

Who'da Thunk It!?

2006-04-18T08:46:00.000-05:00

"Ask not what the government can do for you. Ask why it doesn't."
Gerhard Kocher

Apparently that email I wrote to a coupla people in Congress has been circulating around. I opened my email this morning to find the following email...I don't think 1SG Dunckel knew he had sent it to me...or maybe he did. Either way, the program he's talking about is for the National Guard. What really sucks is I used to have a friend that was a National Guard recruiter...but apparently I am a "selfish little ass" and we haven't talked since. Haha...*sigh*

Sirs,

I laude Ms. Chelsea Rider's interest in military service. Unfortunately for her, the Army does not, and will not use a caliper test to determine body fat. Two regulations, the AR 40-501 (Standards of Medical Fitness) and the AR 600-9 (Army Weight Control Program) determine the only acceptable means of measuring body fat is through a tape test. The max allowable body fat percentage for a female over 40 is 36%. This max allowable decreases in younger age groups, down to a 30% max for 17 - 21 year olds.

There is currently a pilot program underway that will allow applicants to enlist with a maximum of 2% over allowable body fat, if they can pass certain cardiovascular endurance tests. If Ms. Rider wants to call me at the number listed below, I will fill her in.

1SG David Dunckel
State Retention NCO
HHD JFHQ(-) 1SG
"Standards . . . no compromise"

I love the line: "...the Army does not, and will not use a caliper test to determine body fat." Way to be optimistic there, 1SG…hah…*sigh*

Bored

2006-04-17T11:29:00.000-05:00

"Things do not change. We do."
Henry David Thoreau

I was bored and looking through my old pictures on my computer...thought I'd share one...This is a side-by-side of my junior year in high school (1999-2000) and my junior year in college (2003-2004)...

...I miss my piercings and my black hair...Noticably, I never had black hair when I had my piercings...oh well...

Cracking Like an Easter Egg

2006-04-15T14:44:00.002-05:00

“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”
adidas Commercial

One of my favorite advertising campaigns EVER.

Anyway...I don't know why but these past few months have just been rough as hell. Maybe it's because I didn't ship when I should have and I'm punishing myself for that...Maybe all these years (yes, plural) that I've spent trying to get my 'tape-busting ass' into the military are wearing on me...All I know is that the other day, I was about to crack. I woke up unmotivated to do anything but go back to bed. So I did. I see my reflection and think, "Fuck, I'm not working out hard enough or long enough!" when I know I probably do more in ONE DAY than most people do in a week...heck! A MONTH! I wake up every day wondering where I am in my life and what I'm doing. I started to seriously question my decision to join...

...then I realized that was stupid. The highest goal I have in life is to serve my country. That's ALL I want to do. Okay, okay, not all, but it's the next step in my own plan for myself. Everyone tells me I'm persistent. In fact, my dad told me this morning that he and my boss were talking about just how persistent I am. My boss has told me he admires that in me...My dad and I both know the truth - I'm just too damn stubborn to give up on something. What I'm about to say is going to sound arrogant as hell, but it really shouldn't...I know that there is nothing that life can throw at me that will stop me from accomplishing all I want in life. I know this is because I'm stubborn. I don't give up. Ever. The only thing that will stop me from reaching all my goals (some very lofty ones, at that) is my own death. For example, I have a goal of running both the Dublin and Marine Corps Marathons (not in the same year, because they're held the same day)...Let's say I get sent to Iraq and some IED blows my leg off or I'm shot and have to have it amputated. So? Protesthics work wonders nowadays. I will die having finished a marathon - at any cost. That's just how I am. I refuse to believe that anyTHING or anyONE will stop me.

So what brings about this rant?? A recent email by a dear friend who complimented me, and told me basically to forget what Army regulations say - I am who I am, and I guess who I am happens to be pretty damn good. Blah. I felt I had to explain why I'm often very down on myself...So here is my response:

"...I don't like guys thinking I have all these guys crawling all over me to get a chance with me...I mean, sure, there ARE guys, but hardly any that meet my criteria. I'm not a normal 22-year old female...I have goals and schedules and all this other stuff that most guys can't understand. I hate Michigan and all these guys seem to think they can change my mind and get me to stay and forego what I want in life...Hell, one of my friends today was telling me how in love with me he is and I felt like shit because I had to tell him the feelings weren't the same...He's not going to leave Michigan again (he's a PS Marine)...Seems to think that maybe someday we'll be together, but I just don't see it...Few guys appreciate what I want to do with my life, or understand it...That's why I love talking to you...Sometimes I feel bad because I blab on and on about how fat I am and all that...There are days when I honestly believe it and then days when it's how my recruiter/standards make me feel. I will never be a beanpole, and I don't wish to be...I like looking athletic and not anorexic...Hell, when I was down between 155-165, my dad told me flat out I looked anorexic because my body simply isn't built to be that way...I like lifting weights and running and being active...It's something that, until a few years ago, was NEVER a part of my life...I can remember being younger, like middle school age, and wishing I was smaller so I could someday serve. But did I do anything about it? No. Instead, I ate and ate and ate. I should have spoke up, asked my parents for help or something, but they had another problem to deal with - my sister did, and still does, suffer from depression (and I think a bit of hypochondria) and other afflictions. I've never wanted to be a burden on my parents, and I'd love to get into more detail, but there are things (undiagnosed) that I've dealt with in my life that, had my parents known or pushed for treatment, would DQ me from enlisting. As I've matured, I've outgrown most of that stuff. But I don't think I'll ever have a normal sense of self-esteem until I'm actually doing SOMETHING with my life that I can finally be proud of doing. I mean, I look back at all I've accomplished and think that I HAVE done stuff to be proud of...Hell, at one point I weighed over 250 pounds...I graduated high school third in my class and was given a full-tuition scholarship to school...I managed to get a double major and a minor in FOUR years and keep my grades high enough to allow me to graudate summa cum laude (highest honors)...But none of that, NONE OF IT, can equal the pride I felt that day I raised my hand and took the Oath of Enlistment. I want that feeling back. It kills me that it's so hard. But it's a goal, and I've been raised to always reach my goals, to do what I want because I CAN do it. I know there are a lot of people (my parents included) who don't understand, no matter how much I try to explain it, why I want to serve...why I go through so much to ENLIST. In the ARMY. They all have different plans for me, but none of them are right for what I want. There's a lot I want to do with my life - first and foremost on that list is to serve my country. *sigh*

I think I went off on a tangent there...in fact, I'm not sure if that's even an appropriate response to your email...haha...I guess what I'm getting at is, regardless of what most people will tell me, I still have my past and Army regulations telling me another thing, and it's hard as hell for me to look in the mirror and see what other people see. Instead, I see the girl I used to be or the girl who sits at about 38% body fat, even though I KNOW I'm not at that percentage..."

...I really think I'm out of things to say. Besides, there's a hockey game on TV...and while I'm neither a Flyers nor a Rangers fan, who cares!? IT'S HOCKEY!!

Back in the Mitten State

2006-04-13T09:15:00.002-05:00

"Everyone runs faster with a knife."
FPS Doug, from this great video

I love that video...you should check it out...and yes, I agree - everyone DOES run faster with a knife...

Anyway...I'm now back in Michigan. I must admit, I kinda missed it...I mean, I still HATE it, but I missed my friends. I don't think I actually talked that much out there because there aren't a lot of people for me to talk to. But Colorado is beautiful and I loved the mountains. Granted, as much as I wanted to, I never got my ass OUTSIDE to run...I stuck to the gym. Blah. I feel like such a slacker. A coupla of my friends yelled at me because I was on vacation and apparently you aren't supposed to workout when you're on vacation. Psh. I did. Perhaps the best thing about the whole vacation was this:

I cried when the Avs players skated out on ice. No joke. I'm a dork, I know, but dammit! I LOVE THE COLORADO AVALANCE!! I spent about $50 at the gift shop...haha...My mom kept telling EVERYONE that I was from Michigan, but I hate the Wings and love the Avs...I swear, I musta been their hero or something. It's apparently a cardinal sin to live in MI and hate the Wings, and I'm brave as hell for doing it. Hehe...oh well...I also made my mom take me to the Garden of the Gods, again. I mean, I really just love the mountains. How could anyone NOT?!

So, needless to say, I would not be disappointed if the Army decided to put me at Ft. Carson in Colorado Springs...Speaking of which, the Garden of the Gods is in Colorado Springs...as is the Air Force Academy.

I wanted my mom to stop at one of the exit signs and take a picture, but she wouldn't first of all because I was wearing an Army shirt and secondly, the traffic was crap. *sigh* Oh well! I picked up some Academy postcards at the gift shop for Garden of the Gods and sent one to my Army recruiter. Hehe...Now I just wait for the phone call...

Speaking of the Army recruiter, I went in there yesterday and talked to him and got measured. I added some girth to my forearms, wrists, and neck, but SOMEHOW added 2" to my ass. I don't think that recruiter measured me right, but whatever. Blah. I go back again next Wednesday. My second recruiter was there, and we chatted. This is the guy that gave me the diet that helped me lose 16lbs in two weeks. He's back on it and I told him I was going to start again on Monday. *sigh* I hate this diet, but it's really kinda of my last resort thing. That, combined with three cardio sessions (morning, afternoon, evening - which I can do now that I don't really have a job), should help me get where I need to get ASAP. Although I tend to be cranky and tired on it - but it's understandable when you're averaging less than 1,000 calories a day (I know, I know...it's not the best, but it works!).

Ohhh...one more thing before I stop rambling...during my trip, I had messaged my co-worker on MySpace, and he said something about this girl coming back to work full-time...I was like, "WHAT?" and he said he was just joking, which of course I knew was a lie. So Tuesday, when I went to the gym to teach, she was there and we talked. Apparently no one wanted to tell me that my hours were cut while I was on vacation. Instead, let me come back to 5 hours a week, plus teaching one class. Yay. I was pissed off because there were gyms out in Denver that were hiring and I could have moved there!!! GRRR!! What's best is that even though I've seen my bosses twice since I've been home, NEITHER of them has said anything to me about it. This only makes me want to get my ass outta Michigan and into the Army more. *sigh*

Oh, wow...

2006-04-07T15:04:00.000-05:00

America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the motherfucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow

Lyrics from the song, "America, Fuck Yeah," from the movie Team America

So yesterday I went to the local 24 Hour Fitness to see if I could work out...had this thing for two weeks free...yay...anyway...I went in the morning and the afternoon (to take a cycling class)...My mom had to drop me off in the afternoon...Oh well...Anyway...as we pulled into the parking lot, these two guys were taking this sign down: "Complimentary Valet." AT A GYM! People are too lazy to walk from the parking lot to the gym. *sigh* It wasn't even a BIG parking lot. And here I was thinking people in Colorado were in better shape...

...Speaking of being in shape, part of this two-week trial membership was an appointment with one of their trainers. That was this morning. So, we go up to her li'l cubicle and start talking. I tell her I plan on joining the military, yadda yadda yadda...She starts telling me everything I already know...So I did the whole, 'nod your head and smile' thing...THEN she wanted to show me stuff to do to lean out my legs...wall squats with a stability ball behind you...yay...I haven't trained my legs in months! MONTHS. The powerlifter in me came out. I went and did my first rep, ass-to-the-grass as proper squat technique dictates, and she yelled at me! "WOAH! TOO FAR DOWN!!" I just kinda rolled my eyes and did them as she told me to. Needless to say, my legs were burning. They're probably growing as we speak...I swear, I walk by a squat rack and my legs grow an inch! *sigh* There's a reason I don't train them, heavy weight or high reps - either way, they GROW! LIKE WEEDS! I don't care what your degree tells you about training, I know my body...She also told me my diet probably wasn't as tuned in as it should be and that I should probably be eating more. Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Anyway, that's really all that's been going on out here in lovely Colorado. The weather out here reminds me of Michigan...yesterday it was 60s, today it snowed...blah!! It's also been kinda rainy...but it's still beautiful!

Too Much Caffeine!

2006-04-05T09:28:00.000-05:00

"I broke my foot running through a castle."
Some kid at the Detroit airport

So, yeah, I'm in Colorado now...yay...I seriously love this place. I might move out here...I'd love to. Anyway, the plane rides out here were not fun. On the one from Midland to Detroit, there was this girl that was a total sorority chick...and a loud one, too...she was sitting right in front of me and the guy next to me kept making fun of her...It was fun...ha...there was also a crapload of turbulance, which I did not like!! I am not a good flyer...that guy kept laughing at me because I would grap the seat in front of me whenever it got bumpy...then, thanks to my mom's wonderful planning abilities, I had a three-hour layover in Detroit...if you've ever been to the Detroit airport, you'll know how BORED I was...I went to some restaurant and got some food...then I went down to my gate and sat for two hours...fortunately, this cute guy rolled up in a wheelchair and we started talking...he asked to use my phone because there's a transportation strike here in Denver and he wanted to see if he could get a ride...he was telling me about how he graduated recently with a degree in geography (weird...) and had just gotten back from travelling through Europe...and that he broke his foot running through a castle somewhere...he was doing wheelies and shit in the chair and I told him if he fell, I'm sorry, but I would have laughed...hehe...the plane ride from Detroit to Denver was not fun...I had too much caffeine in my system and was sitting in the same spot for three hours...plus, the stupid kid next to me kept elbowing me...I was pretty much already in the aisle, but I kept moving closer and closer...I seriously wanted to beat the living snot of the brat. There was also this cute guy in front of me...he had nice boots. When we were standing at baggage claim, I asked if he was in the military. He was like, "Yeah, why do you ask?" And I told him his boots gave him away. Because I, like the dork I am, was decked out in Army gear, he asked if I was in. I told him I was in the process of joining the Army..."Why not Marines?" I really didn't have a good answer for him. I'm assuming he was a Marine...Then my mom kept yelling at me because I was so freakin' antsy from all the caffeine and shit...and she told me that she did not like my bridge piercing...And she found out I had a tattoo because my sleeves were rolled up far enough to show part of the tattoo on my back...blah! She didn't even help me carry my bags...hah...

...that's really all that's happened so far. It's only 0846 in the morning here...but I think my body is still on Michigan time. I haven't done jack squat yet...I'm gonna go out and walk around my mom's neighborhood here shortly to see if I can rollerblade around...make sure there aren't any hills that are too steep...

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

2006-03-31T12:51:00.001-05:00

"To a man whose mind is free there is something even more intolerable in the sufferings of animals than in the sufferings of man. For with the latter it is at least admitted that suffering is evil and that the man who causes it is a criminal. But thousands of animals are uselessly butchered every day without a shadow of remorse. If any man were to refer to it, he would be thought ridiculous. And that is the unpardonable crime."
Romain Rolland

Where to startttt...okay, yesterday. I went to the gym about an hour before I was supposed to teach because I wanted to get SOME weight training in. While I was up behind the counter, someone walked in and I helped him because Justin wasn't up there. No biggie. Anyway, I happened to be wearing my Army PT shirt that I had, and he had the older version (with no block-style A on the back) on. It was weird...Anyway...I went to set up the bikes and one of the guys came in the room and was like, "Is that your boyfriend?" And I bust out laughing! "WHY!? Because we're wearing the same damn shirt!?" He was like, "Well, yeah." I laughed...come to find out later, the Army guy happened to be one of my very good friend's boyfriends. She called my cell later that night to tell me. Oh, and class was cancelled because it was BEAUTIFUL out (64 is great! PERFECT!)...I didn't mind. I went home, showered, and changed...then I went to dinner with a friend of mine to this nice Japanese restaurant. Thennn...during conversation, he mentioned something about test driving cars and I said I wanted to test drive a nice, big truck. So we went! Sadly, because it was close to 9, the dealership we went to was closed. But I found my new dream truck:

Hot, isn't it?? My friend and I were playing around in the bed of the truck...there was a cop in the drive-through across the road and I think he saw us...he didn't come over though...
I didn't get a picture of it, but there was also an H4 Avalanche which was SUPER-FUCKING HOT...

Anywayyyy...on my way home, I got a phone call from a friend of mine to come out drinking...so I ran to the store to get a six-pack of Smirnoffs and some munchies and headed over there. I had fun just chillin' with some friends. It was relaxing. Of course, every time I got towards the end of the bottle, my friend ran to the refrigerator to get me another one. I finished the six-pack by myself and also had a glass of Popof and Mt. Dew...not good...straight vodka tastes like acetone. Blech. But it was one of those nights I should not have driven home as soon as I did.

Managed to drag myself outta bed and head the gym...not motivated at all...but one of the regulars was on the treadmill, so I hopped on the cross-trainer next to him, and we chit-chatted for a bit. We started talking about my weight and all that, and he suggested maybe - just for a week - to try eating meat, like chicken, and see if that does something. So that's what I've been comtemplating for a while. I don't know. I've been a vegetarian for almost six years now, and while I'm not against the killing of animals (unless it's done so in an inhumane way), but...it's just so different. And...weird. I've always thought my vegetarianism has helped me keep my weight down...but now that it's creeping back, this is about the only thing I can do to change my diet again. *sigh*

I'm going to Colorado for a week on Tuesday and I think while I'm out there, I'm going to spend some time trying to reconfigure my diet and exercise program. See if I can't revamp it once again. I'd also like to get some running in out there, but it's gonna be hell because of the altitude. I plan on bringing my rollerblades, too, because I absolutely LOVE to rollerblade and have been doing so since the weather got a little warmer. My mom is gonna help me as much as she can, because she knows how much I want this and she understands I just need a break from my life here. Plus, she's trying to get me AVALANCHE tickets!! FUCK YEAH!! I AM SO FRIGGIN' EXCITED!! I LOVE THE AVS!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And yes, I'm aware I live in Michigan...and I HATE the Wings!)

Chelsea Margaret And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2006-03-29T11:16:00.000-05:00

"I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day."
Judith Viorst, author of Alexander and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

This has just not been my week...*sigh*

1)Monday, I pulled my back doing Good Mornings at the gym.

2)Later that evening, I slammed my hand in my car door. Then I just stood, looking at my fingers in the door going, "Ow. That kinda fuckin' hurts." Slow.

3)Tuesday morning, I smacked myself in the face doing cable face-pulls. Haven't done 'em in a while, so I started at a light weight. Apparently, too light. Luckily, I have a good sense of humor and bust out laughing.

4)Not ten minutes later, I knocked my head on a shelf at the gym.

5)About two hours later, somehow I ran into the fire extinguisher in my recruiter's office. He sat there and just laughed. I just about shouted, "I GIVE UP!" Then, we were walking out to the parking lot, and I almost broke down crying at his truck. So frustrated. I lost, uh, "girth" in my forearms, wrist, and neck. WRONG EFF'N PLACE!!

6)That evening, when I went to feed my friend's cats, I skinned my knee up. She has this porch that's about 18" high. Normally, I can jump up on it, no problems. Last night, I missed. I don't know how. Again, it was one of those, "Ow. That kinda fuckin' hurts," moments. GRR! When I was going in to feed the cats, I honestly started wondering if there was something physically wrong with me to cause me to be like this. I am starting to get freaked out.

And I have been such an emotional basketcase lately. Hell, I'm starting to tear up even writing this. I weigh 180. I look in the mirror and don't see it. I have these moments where I actually like myself every so often. I have a small waist, good definition in my upper body, and strong legs. Then I get in the scale and weigh 180 and remember what every branch of the military tells me - I'm too fat. Every ounce of self-esteem I might have had goes down the toliet and I'm left standing there wondering why I don't give up on it. Why? Because I want it. Because I want to serve my eff'n country. Because I'm stubborn. I was talking to a friend of mine at the gym today (he was in the National Guard) and I told him what I weighed. He about pissed his pants laughing. "Is that what the recruiters are telling you!?" No. It's what the scale says. I went on this rant about how my mirror says one thing, but the scale/recruiters say another and I just started crying. "I am so frustrated!!" He said it finally clicked with him why I'm so frustrated. "You see one thing and hear another." Then he said he knew I could drop the weight and he had faith in me, yadda yadda yadda. *sigh* I told this all to one of my friends in the Army now and currently in Iraq and he said, "You have to go to the bar and get wasted tonight now. I want to hear stories about how bad you were tommorrow." Haha...good idea. But I hafta focus. Or just stop. Stop working out. Stop dieting. Let my body do it's thanggg...Of course, knowing my body, I'd probably gain about 50 pounds. I'm beginning to hate working out. Hate eating healthy. All that crap. *sigh*

I'm done.

Boring

2006-03-27T11:18:00.000-05:00

"No he is not wrong. But it is cooked."
The Air Force recruiter, when I asked if it's true you hafta kill a bunny during SERE training.

So...yeah (do I always start my blogs like that or wha? Heh.). I got a letter in the mail the other day from Dave Camp. Well, from Congressman Camp's 'Constituent Representative,' I should say. I guess I hafta fill out a Privacy Release Statement so they can get my info. I'm a little leery about this, but SFC B says it should be cool. Nothing to worry about. If my identity gets stolen and I end up with a bad credit report, I'm coming after you, SFC!! =)

Other than that, nothing really exciting has been going on. Went out Friday and Saturday night with some friends. Drank three drinks each night. Tried a cement mixer for the first time. Not fun, but it didn't taste bad. My friend congradulated me for being the first person to like those. Eh. Hah. Saturday night, I ran into some old friends I haven't seen or talked to in a while. One of them is headed to BMT next week, so it was his going away party. Man, did he get loaded. Fucked up. Shitfaced. I went to tell him good-bye, and I told him how proud I was of him and all that jazz...it took him about a minute to say the words "Thank you Chelsea," and even then I couldn't understand him. It was like talking to someone who suffers from some kinda mental problem. I laughed...

No news other than the whole Camp thing on the enlistment front. Sorry. Boring post. To make up for it, click this. Funny ass comics...haha...I laughed, at least. But, alas, I have a sick sense of humor.

Okay, Where is It?

2006-03-22T12:16:00.001-05:00

"One should never put on one's best trousers to go out to battle for freedom and truth."
Henrik Ibsen

Well, remind me not to wear my good jeans to BCT then! =)

Okay, today was not a good morning. I taugh Spin class last night and then again this morning. I sweated my ass off, or so I thought. Then I went to my recruiter's office and nothing! I'm sitting at about 38.5% body fat, according to Army regs, even though with the seven-site Jackson-Pollock method I'm at 18.5% (and yes, I realize Jackson Pollack is an artist...Jackson and Pollock are researches who developed the common method of measuring body fat with a skinfold test). I need to be at less than 35%. *sigh* I really don't know where I'm hiding it anymore...I mean, I can tell when I'm gaining or losing, but not anymore! I look like I did when I first enlisted, but weigh about fifteen pounds more. WTF? My poor boss doesn't understand it either. He was liie, "I don't know what else there is for you to do. You've basically done all you can!" No shit!! I'm thinking of taking a week off of exercising to see if I can jump start this shit again. I am getting so frustrated with it all. All I want to do is serve, but I can't because apparently I'm fat...even though I am in better shape than probably 85% of the recruits going in nowadays. I told SFC B that the Army is missing out on one helluva recruit for now!!

Speaking of SFC B, he suggested that I write my senators, even though it may prove to be futile. Well, hell, at this point, nothing could hurt. So I emailed my Federal Congressman Dave Camp, Federal Senator Carl Levin (he's on the Armed Services Committee), and State Senator Tony Stamas (he's on the State Police and Military Affairs Committe). I figured it wouldn't hurt. This is what I emailed:

My name is Chelsea Rider and I am a graduate of Saginaw Valley State University. I majored in Political Science and Criminal Justice (with a Philosophy minor) and maintained a 3.8 GPA, which allowed me graduate summa cum laude. In January of 2004, I began looking into serving in the United States military, but because I still had a year and half left of school, I did not sign up right away. However, now there is a greater obstacle that seems to be preventing me from serving. As of today, 22 March 2006, I weigh xxx pounds, yet according to a caliper test, I am at 18.5% body fat. Unfortunately, the Army does not accept caliper tests and instead uses what they call the ‘girth’ test, in which, for females, they take the measurement of her hips, forearms, wrists, and neck and combine the numbers with her height and weight to calculate her body fat percentage. Under this method, I am at about 38.5% body fat, and this number can vary depending on who is measuring me, as no one seems to measure me in the same spots. I’m in no way out of shape; I work at a gym and teach indoor cycling classes two to three times a week. I do cardiovascular exercise for at least two hours most days of the week, and, up until recently, was weight training three to four days a week.

I realize there’s probably nothing that you can do, but figured it would hurt nothing by asking. I want nothing more than to serve my country as a Soldier. If, by chance, there is something you can do, please let me know. I can get you references of people who can vouch for how hard I’ve worked and how dedicated to serving I am, as well as references of cardiovascular health (measured in a VO2 max test) and body fat percentages using a seven-site Jackson-Pollock skinfold method.

Thank you for your time!

I dunno if anything will result, but hell, it's possible. *sigh*

Mmm...Cherry Coke...

2006-03-21T11:12:00.001-05:00

"I didn't mean big thighs! I meant to say you had big calves!!"
My recruiter

So, yesterday was interesting. Well, not really, but anyway...Diet is going okay...I'll get to that in a bit...I woke up and headed the gym, as usual...however, the motivation was not there...I spent an hour going back in forth between different cardio activities, before I finally said "Screw it," and did a coupla sets of bench pressin', then left...I went back at 1500 and did some treadmill work with my friend, Justin...he was kicking my ass because, again, something was lacking...Then, my friend Beau and I spun for like, forty minutes...Beau is cool...Last April, he weighed like, 300+ and now he weighs right around 200lbs...He just enlisted in the Air Force (ships 20060516) and is the reason I've been looking into the Air Force...anyway, last week he invited me to his DEP function, which was yesterday...Basically, met at the AF office and headed to a local deli for dinner and conversation...it was cool because there were three guys there that had just finished with their Tech School...one of them was in the AFSC that I've looked into (Airborne Cryptologic Linguist) and said the schooling is about two and a half years long...TWO AND A HALF YEARS!! I yelled at the recruiter - "You didn't tell me it was that long!!" He said he didn't know...hah...Anyway, while we were sitting down to eat, my phone rings...like, really rings...which is a bad sign...ya see, I have all the recruiters I know programmed to ring (instead of the stupid li'l melody that normally goes off when my phone rigns)...I didn't realize it was my phone...One of the guys home on RAP (basically the AF equivalent of HTRP) kept lookin' at me and I realized it was my phone...Anywayyyy...answered it, "What?" because I knew it was the Army recruiter..."You comin' in tomorrow??" "Dude, I'm not at weight..." after that, he kinda got into me about all that...said something about my personal deadline coming up, like I wasn't aware...I am so frustrated!!...then said I had big thighs...DUH...he said he meant to say I had big calves...Anyway, the whole conversation just kinda upset me and I almost cried...I swear everyone in that office must think I'm a slacker and it pisses me off because I am literally working my ass off to get back in...*sigh*...The rest of the night was okay...the AF recruiter makes fun of me all the time...then he gets all serious..."I want to help you reach your goals." It's fun...Oh, for dinner, I had half of a sub that I had to take the meat off...and two glasses of cherry Coke...it's been a long ass time since I've had pop...anyway...the AF recruiter was like, "Are you a vegetarian!?!?" He probably thinks I'm some strange freak...heh...=)

Someday...

Diet? Check!

2006-03-19T16:18:00.000-05:00

"You're a sexy, in-shape, dose of Irish heaven."
My friend Dennis...

Okay...according to the Harris-Benedict Formula, I need about 2530 calories to maintain my weight. I've set up a diet for me to follow that keeps my calories under 1600 calories, yet still provides me with everything I need. I rock. Haha...So, hopefully this will help me. Combined with the exercise I do, I should be good to go, again. I think finally writing out a eating plan has helped immensely. Especially since it includes five smaller meals (I was only eating three before) and has a good macronutrient ratio (50% carbs, 30% protein, and 20% fat). I've got a coupla books on nutrition for runners that Imma look at too...I've got to stay on track and keep motivated. Hooah! Right?

If you're curious about how the Harris-Benedict formula works out, here ya go:

STEP ONE: BMR = 655 + (9.6 X weight in kilos) + (1.8 X height in cm) - (4.7 X age in years). (BMR = basal metabolic rate, the amount of calories your body burns just functioning) = 1631.4 calories for me

STEP TWO: Multiply BMR by activity level:

* If you are Sedentary - little or no exercise
Calorie-Calculation = BMR X 1.2

* If you are Lightly Active (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/week)
Calorie-Calculation = BMR X 1.375

* If you are Moderately Active (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/week)
Calorie-Calculation = BMR X 1.55

* If you are Very Active = BMR X 1.725 (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days/week)
Calorie-Calculation = BMR X 1.725

* If you are Extra Active (very hard daily exercise/sports & physical job or 2X day training)
Calorie-Calculation = BMR X 1.9

For me = 1631.4 x 1.55 (to stay conservative) = 2528.7 calories

Mind you, the above formula is for females. Click the link above and it'll show both male and female formulas.

Cashew Chicken, No Chicken

2006-03-17T10:12:00.000-05:00

"Good things will come to you in due time."

That was my fortune from last night. I took my friend out for Chinese to celebrate her birthday. I ordered my usual - cashew chicken, no chicken. I love being a vegetarian. Anyway, when I opened my fortune cookie and got that fortune, I smiled. I'm like that - I believe those corny things...and horoscopes...Mostly because every so often, I need a li'l mental boost, and hearing something like that helps.

So, still riding my fortune cookie high when I got up this morning, I decided to go for a run. It was only 26 degrees (F) out (-3 degrees C), but it wasn't windy, so I thought I'd be okay. Shit. I was wrong. It kicked my ass. And my quads. And my shoulders. And my throat. Hahah. It ended being a combination run-walk, but either way, I finished the whole 5.25 miles (8.44 kilometers). I plan on doing it again tomorrow morning, hopefully running more and walking less. Hopefully it'll be a little warmer. Getting my breathing under control was the worst the part. Well, after I finished the run/walk, I went into the gym and did another 45 minutes of cardio (15 minutes on the stationary bike and 30 minutes on the elliptical). I feel okay. Not as good as I should feel, but that's because I'm kinda disappointed in my run/walk. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day, right?

I guess that's really all I have to say for now. Nothing big going on lately. Got the bottom half my tattoo finished - dunno if I mentioned that or not. I have a picture of it, but it's one that I took with my digicam's timer, so it's not the best. Plus, I look...wide. And I have enough issues with my body right now...but I'm loving the ink! So far, the kanji I have in it are "strength," "overcome," "bravery," "fierce," and "honor." I have two left - loyalty and will - but they'll be negatives, meaning instead of being black inside the outline of a star, the star will be black and the kanji will just be outline (not filled in). I guess you hafta see the piece to totally understand it, eh??

Well, Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! Stay safe tonight...I'd be drinking, but I think that's not the best thing for me right now...Way to be smart, Chelsea!!

Am I Hearing Things?

2006-03-16T21:20:00.001-05:00

Okay...just a quick post...has anyone heard that song "Good Ride" by Garth Brooks?? More importantly, does anyone listen to that stupid nighttime radio Lea show or whatever?? I swear, she played that song and instead of the normal lyric - There's a Navy brat in a cowboy hat - the version she played said "Air Force brat."

...is this a sign. I've never heard this version before. Ever. The song is about Chris LeDoux...his dad was a pilot in the Air Force...Okay...nevermind...quick research shows me that Brooks' got the branch wrong or something in the first version:
CMT LeDoux Message Board

Someone Else, Please?

2006-03-16T11:33:00.000-05:00

"Mens sana in corpore sano."
Decimus Iunius Iuvenalis

That is seriously my motto when I'm working out...it means "sound mind in a sound body." Li'l bit of trivia for y'all related to this: The shoe company Asics was named after a variant of this quote - anima sana in corpore sano - which actually means "sound soul in a sound body," (since Msics didn't form a word).

Anyway...I'm in a funk, so I decided to ramble about it for a bit. I'm at this point in my life where I feel like I'm not going anywhere. I'm 22 years old and I have a college degree, yet I live at home with my father and work a part-time job in a field that has nothing to do with my degree. The thing is, the only thing I want to do with my life is serve my country. That's the next step in my logical plan for myself. Yet, I'm be stopped. Over and over again. I sometimes wonder if the struggles I've been having with the Army point to my persistance or my stubbornness. I don't believe in God or any of that crap (sorry), but I wonder if me not shipping and all the shit that's been going on with the Army is somehow I sign that maybe the Army isn't the right fit for me. I mean, I've been talking to an Air Force recruiter, and everything he's said seems, ya know, good, but I fear that if I joined the Air Force, I would be giving up on the Army. Part of me says, "You want to serve your country, which you can do in any branch - Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, or Coast Guard," while another part of me says, "You've worked your ass off so hard for the Army, why stop now?!" I want someone to come along and make this decision for me, but I know the only person who can is me. *sigh* It only adds to the frustration. I want nothing more than to serve my country, but here I am, working at a gym...Everyone has told me to go Air Force (or Navy), except a few select people...My boss, for one, a former staff sergeant in the Army, told me once, simply, "Follow your heart." He said this knowing that my heart was set on the Army. Then there's Sean, who wants me to join the Marines. He told me, "Chelsea, you'll be easy to spot at Fort Bragg because you'll be the only Marine wearing Army greens." Apparently, I have the mentality of a Marine (I don't know yet if this is a good thing or not). I know that if I went Air Force, I would get a lot of shit from my recruiter about me giving up and all that shit, which frustrates me...I want to make the decision that's right for me. But I don't know what that is yet.

Here's what I want...I want to serve my country, first and foremost. However, I'd also like to get experience in a intel-type field that would later help me snatch a position with the CIA as a military or political analyst (my dream job). I also want something that will challenge me and allow me to further my education at the same time. Both the Army and the Air Force have the Funded Legal Education Program (I think all branches have this), so that's a plus. I'm not concerned with my chances of getting promoted, or killed for that matter. If I die serving my country, then I'll at least die knowing that my death was not in vain. *sigh*

I'm so frustrated I can't even think straight right now...so I'll stop rambling for now...

sigh

2006-03-13T00:10:00.000-05:00

Thanks SFC B for providing this in your new place...

Military Shuns Many of Recruiting Age.

...not as easy as it looks. Mos def.

Can't Sleep. Clowns Will Eat Me.

2006-03-12T23:47:00.001-05:00

"This is the most fun I've had without lubricant!"
'Adam' (Leigh Whannel) from Saw

Okay, it's about, ohh...2348 and I can't sleep...my alarm is currently set to go off at 0400 so that I can drag my ass outta bed and take advantage of the 40+ degree weather and run. Ya see, I don't like running in the light (I have this complex that people will see me and think I'm running too slow...don't ask.), and I teach 'indoor cycling' at 0545 tomorrow, so if I wanna run, I gotta do it early. That's the plan at least. I miss running outside, so I'm kinda excited. Had one running shoe on a coupla minutes ago...almost went for a run! I'm crazy, I know. In case the sunflower picture didn't give it away, my running habits mos def will!

Anywayyyy...so, yeah...this previous week has been kinda pissing me off with Army crap. My recruiter told me to come in at 1100 Monday morning last week to weigh-in and stuff. So I did. Was he there? Noooo. Jerk. Talked the station commander anyway. Always LOVE that (You can't tell, but I'm rolling my eyes right now!). I also happened to have contacted a different Air Force recruiter, since my friend (who ships for BMT 20060516) keeps telling me his recruiter is awesome, yadda yadda yadda. Met with him Monday. And then again Thursday, where he told me some very promising news about job stuff. Still gotta get my weight down. So Thursday night, I called my Army recruiter since he wanted me to come back and weigh-in Friday. He told me to be at his office at 1030. I got there at 1015. Was he there?! NOPE! I waited for a freakin' hour! He didn't even answer his cell when I called. So I returned the favor and didn't answer when he called me. I was pissed. That's twice in one week where he's told me to come by and he hasn't been there. And it's a 30-minute drive to his office, with gas I don't have to waste. *sigh* So, Friday, after I left the Army office, I drove back to my town to the stop by the Air Force office. He wasn't in, but I wasn't surprised. I left him a present on his door - my Army lanyard (which I have about 20 more of, seriously). I'm just so freakin' frustrated!! GRRRRR!! I don't know if me being deadset on the Army is stubbornness or true desire anymore. I am seriously conflicted about this whole thing.

And I can hear it raining outside right now. Good. I like to run in the rain. Blah. Hah...HELP!

OMG, I LOVE WEATHER!!

2006-03-08T11:25:00.000-05:00

Me: I love peanut butter
My sissy: and I love Plato.
My sissy: you can't eat Plato, though.
Me: You can eat Play-doh though
Me: Granted, it's not very good...
My sissy: oh that's gross

That's from an old conversation my sister and I had once...Yes, we're weird. It happens. It's in our blood. Monday night, she came over and we went out to Saginaw. Headed to Best Buy, her all-time favorite store...I found the new Hinder CD (Pick it up! It's pretty good!) and she found a new printer and some other stuff. Anywayyyy...we were standing in line and I, in my ADHD nature, start looking around at people. And who is behind us in line!?! Darrin Bradley, chief meterologist for the local news. I don't know why this excited me so, but I whisper, not-so-discretely, "SISSY! THAT'S DARRIN BRADLEY!!" Then, after looking back a few times, I whispered, "I LOVE WEATHER!", again, not-so-discretely. I thought her and the checkout girl were going to call the nut house on me. I found it funny. I really do have a fascination with weather; have ever since I was a child. Well, we get out to my sissy's car, and she's putting stuff away, and WHO IS PARKED NEXT TO US!? YES! Darrin Bradley!! "SISSY! HE'S PARKED NEXT TO US!!" Hah...he got in his truck and gave me one of those, "Omg, this girl must be a stalker, but I better wave to make her day" waves...I about died laughing. He musta heard us in the store, and then out in the parking lot. Fun times, fun times. After that, my sissy and I went to dinner and then to the local craft store, where she wanted me to put that damn flower hat on and take a picture. That's where the profile picture comes from. I look like I'm in pain, or as my friend said, like the hat is sucking my brains out.

Anyway...I've been having some kickass workouts lately, too. Last night, I had to teach Spin class...so I went to the gym a li'l early to get some quick sprints in. Did those. Then taught a 60-minute Spin class, which kicked both my own and the students' asses. Well, one of my friends showed up to class a li'l late and asked if I would mind staying and doing another hour or so of Spin. Always one for a cardio challenge, I did. And I about died. I walked outta the classroom SOAKED in sweat. Note to self: Do not wear a white t-shirt when you plan on doing that intense of cardio for that duration. If y'all are interested, you can check out my workout journal here.

That's all for now. Have a good day!!

Yay!

2006-03-06T11:48:00.001-05:00

"Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity."
Arnold J Glasow

My wrist/forearm/neck measurements have all went up...yay...I never thought my wrist measurement would go up!!

...bad thing, my hip measurement also went up. Oh well. I'll get that back down. I was too excited about my wrist measurement!! Hah...that's a good thing!! And my neck is finally bigger than my biceps...hehe...

That is all.

Again...

2006-03-04T19:50:00.000-05:00

Just because I consider this man a true hero...

Army opens criminal probe of Tillman’s death

Army Regs in the News

2006-03-04T19:04:00.000-05:00

Seemed fitting, considering recent mods of my own...Just thought I would share:

Army says neck tattoo is not OK

...that is all.

Accountability

2006-03-04T11:01:00.000-05:00

“Keep track instead of keeping score. You’ll discover that your worst – like your best – lasts only an instant, and that accepting your limitations liberates you to become yourself.”
John Bingham, No Need for Speed

Just a brief note to letchall (wow) know that I started a new blog to journal my fitness/nutrition stuff. They always say that one of the key things about setting and keeping goals is to make yourself accountable to someone. Consider this my accountability check. Or something like that.

http://muscularpanda.blogspot.com

Blah

2006-03-03T11:38:00.000-05:00

I was driving to the gym this morning. My stomach started churning. I thought I was going to throw up in my lap. But I didn't. Made it safely to the gym, grabbed an AWESOME new Tri-O-Plex protein bar and hopped on the treadmill. By the time I was finished, I was A-Okay, except for my throat being sore as hell. I wish I knew why it hurt. Flu? You get a sore throat with a flu or no?? Eh...anyway...did some strength training. Talked to Brad (*blush*). Did more cardio. My throat still hurts and I gotta work at 1300...blah...not looking forward to that!

Man...there was a reason I decided to post today...what the fuck was it!? *sigh* OH! Maybe the pictures? I may take some pics of the outline tonight after work, but I really don't want to. I have rolls. Haha...I'm so self-conscious about it, that's why I haven't had anyone take pics yet. I keep forgetting it's there. (I know, I know. "How do you forget you have a big ass tattoo on your back?!" Well...it's on my back.) I'll back into things, hard, then realize the mistake I made. It's tender, not really painful. And tight, for some reason, even though I keep it moist. Benching was a little rough, because I couldn't stretch my arms back after a set...But gotta bench, ya know...SC's orders...(You can't tell, but I'm totally rolling my eyes right now!) OH! And I got a great compliment at the gym this morning. One of the guys that takes my 'Indoor Cycling' class was there, and I asked him how class was the other morning. He said, "Please excuse my language, but you kicked my ass!" I love hearing that from people like him, because he's in great shape and is training for a triathalon. If I can kick HIS ass, I can only imagine how some of the other people must feel. But hey, you come to my class, you WILL get a workout in. I don't like to walk outta the gym with a dry shirt. I like to sweat. You will, too. Haha...

Well, I better go prepare some food for the day! Have a great one and check back later I might post pictures of the tattoo!

A Date

2006-03-02T19:10:00.000-05:00

"Wow, I can really appreciate your passion. I think that is what I like about you most. No, maybe it's the I WILL NOT BE STOPPED attitude you have."
From an old email my second (I'm on my third) recruiter sent me a while ago.
(They're fun to re-read sometimes. I swear he is the only recruiter that never doubted my dedication to joining...)

My wonderful co-worker, Diane, decided that in order for me to get over the guy that cheated on me, I needed to go on a date. So, for the past two weeks or so, she's been trying to hook me up with this guy at the gym that works out the same time I do. He's cute. Problem was, we are both totally shy, so there was probably ZERO chance of this happening without a little push. That's where Diane came into the picture. Actuallllyyyy...it started when the guy's workout partner asked me one day, "Hey, Chelsea, you gotta boyfriend? My friend wants to know." So, anyway, I get this phone call yesterday at about 1030 as I was driving home from my meeting with the recruiter. "Chels, this is Diane. Has he called yet?" "Uh, who?" "Brad. I gave him your number and he said he was gonna call and ask you to dinner." And, about an hour later, he did call. But it sucked because Monday I had set up an appointment with my tattoo artist (after I got pierced) for my next piece, and of course, that time was at 1700 Wednesday night. So, when Brad called, I told him I'd call him when my tat was done, thinking that it would only take about 2-3 hours to do, and he had to take his brother to work at 1900 anyway. Well...I got to the tattoo shop early (1630), and waited...and waited...and waited...1915 rolls around, I called Brad and let him know that I probably wasn't going to be able to make it back into town in time. Hell, the artist still wasn't done drawing out the piece. I didn't start getting the tattoo until 2000. I left the shop at 2150, after about an hour and a half's worth of work. It's a sweet ass piece though...sadly, there's still about 3.5 hrs left of inking to be done to it before it's complete. It's a back piece - shoulder blades to the base of my spine. And lemme tell you, I can handle pain and all, but shit, he hit a nerve or SOMETHING at the base of my spine and I let out the most violent barrage of swear words EVER. I mean, it wasn't bad, but the vehemence with which they were said, WOO-EE...I wanted to turn around and smack the shit outta him! I'm proud of myself, though. No crying. Just lots of biting my lower lip.

And, no, SFC B. I do not hate my recruiter, nor am I trying to kill him with this. Haha...

ANYWAY...so, Brad came up to me today in the gym while I was doing a set of curls, per SC's orders, and asked if I was doing anything today. I said no and he asked if I wanted to come to Chuck E. Cheese's with him and his son. I accepted, because I figured that'd be a good first date. And it was. I had a blast. And his son and I got along, which I think is important when a guy has a kid. Brad and I get along well, we just both happen to be shy. All in all, it was a good night. Hopefully, there will be a second date. *grin*

Update

2006-03-01T13:17:00.000-05:00

"Eating fetuses is fun!"
My Sissy, talking about eggs with her vegan friend

Okay, so I went to see my favoritest recruiter in the whole wide world (please note the sarcasm!)...I walked in, and immediately had four recruiters all up in my face looking at my piercings...My recruiter just shook his head...Actually when I walked down the hallway, the Station Commander was standing outside the Army office...He was like, "What the hell Rider!?" ANYWAYYYY...back inside the office, got the height/weight checked, and there was no change from last week. My SC basically ordered me to start lifting again...He told me just to bench and curl...No offense to any of the recruiters out there in blog world, but man, I find sooo much humor when they try to give me advice. My own recruiter knows better, but this is some of the advice I've been given in that office:

1) "Just eat a bunch of rice, but wash it before you eat it, that way there's no starch left."(WTF? YOU CAN WASH THE STARCH OUTTA RICE!?! Incredible!)
2) "Stay away from carbs...drink a lot of milk."(Um...milk is full of sugars...sugars are carbs...hmmmm...good call, Sarn't!)
3) "Preparation H and Saran Wrap. We've had some success with males. Never tried on a female. Maybe you should try." (Okay, I can just imagine how I looked buying laxatives AND Prep H in the same trip. I'm glad Meijer has U-Check lanes...)
4) "Just bench and do some concentration curls, and you'll build your forearms and neck." (He refused to listen to me when I said there are other exercises I can do to do that, like hammer curls, wide grip curls, wrist curls, shrugs. He would hear none of it! "Just bench and curls, Rider." I laughed. Not a good thing to do when the SC is in a bad mood.)

Anyway. I hafta lift. And go back to the office on Monday at 1100. Yay. Hope all goes well. Should be nice to lift again, but if I gain weight because of it, I'm going to beat someone's ass!!

That is all.

Power Trip??

2006-03-01T09:00:00.000-05:00

"I don’t feel hung over I don’t feel strung out/ Could I be clean and sober, did I finally lay it down / The drug of his love / Is out of my blood / It’s a revelation, like be born again / Have you ever had that feeling, when you wash away your sin / Your soul is set free / Does anybody know what I mean?"
Shannon Brown, "Can I Get an Amen"

So, last night, I was talking with a friend of mine who happens to be an National Guard recruiter a coupla hours away. I think he was in a bad mood. He asked when I was shipping, and I told him the story. Basically, he said I was stupid for not shipping, and then he said, "I thought you wanted to be a soldier?" My reply? "Don't give me your shit, you aren't my recruiter so don't talk to me like you are!" I was joking. Obviously, my dry sarcasm is hard to pick up on Yahoo! His reply? "I wouldn't recruit your selfish little ass........you need to grow the fuck up and realize who you are talking to...I'm a senior NCO don't you ever talk to me like that...you are not fit to be a soldier with that attitude." At that point, he signed off and I deleted him off my list. No offense, but damn. Was that really necessary?! I WAS JOKING. Sheesh. I don't even know how to react to that shit. Haha...Hell, I give my station commander, also an SFC, more shit than this guy, and he doesn't give me some power trip about being an senior NCO and how I should respect his AUTHORITAY...ha...psh...people like that don't deserve my respect. *sigh*

Anyway...y'all should pick up Shannon Brown's CD. It's awesome! Very good songs! Especially "Big Man" and "Can I Get an Amen." Seriously. Pick it up. Under $10 at Wal-Mart. You won't regret it.

Well, I gotta go hop in the shower and get my recruiter's office for my weekly weigh-in. I am so hungry...tired...dehyrdated...blah. I haven't eaten or drank anything since about 3pm yesterday, and I had to teach TWO Spinning classes, last night and this morning, on empty. NOT FUN!

Oh Shit

2006-02-27T21:34:00.000-05:00

My recruiter is going to kill me:

Mid-March

2006-02-23T12:41:00.000-05:00

“The tragedy of Canada is they could have had British culture, French cooking, and American technology, but instead they got American culture, British cooking, and French technology.”

My hommage to my foresaken Canadian hockey team...*crying* I guess Finland for the Gold...*sniffle*

Anyway, I went to see my recruiter today...He doesn't understand how I can LOOK smaller, but weigh more...and, to be honest, neither can I...either way, I'm not that far off...10 lbs...He's written into his planner for me to come in every Wednesday for a height/weight check...and then he's scheduled me (tentatively) to go to MEPS on the 16th of MEPS or something...I told him I wanted out by the end of March..He said I'll be ready by next week...hehe...I'm glad someone has faith in me, because after what happened yesterday, I was losing hope in my life...

Speaking of that whole thing, I am much better today...I mean, the guy is still an asshole in my mind, but I'm not vindictive or anything...Sad, yeah, very. But not enraged or anything. Thanks for all the support and stuff!

So...36 days until the end of March (not counting today)...I can do this...

Of course...

2006-02-22T09:05:00.000-05:00

"...It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better..."
Keith Urban, "Tonight I Wanna Cry"

Ya know when things get going good, you get in a groove, everything is well? Calm before the storm. Fuck. Things were going too well. I knew something had to be up somewhere. I was right.

The guy I was kinda-sorta seeing was seeing someone else

Go figure. I fall for someone and they fall for someone else. And it hurts. Bad. I hate it. I do not like this one bit. I was doing fine until my friend told me I should go drinking but do not listen to Urban's "Tonight I Wanna Cry." So what do I do? Listen to the damn song. Fuckin' a...I am an idiot. I'm just really kinda hurt right now. I want to eat a jar of peanut butter and sleep. I think I'll just sleep though. I hate boys.

That is all.

Moto

2006-02-21T10:39:00.000-05:00

No event in American history is more misunderstood than the Vietnam War. It was misreported then, and it is misremembered now.
Richard Nixon (hate him, but he has a valid point)

So, yeah. I was at the gym this morning, doing my last 30 minutes of cardio, and I looked up at the TV. Someone had been watching the History Channel. They were doing a documentary on the 101st Airborne Division during the Vietnam War (the Screaming Eagles). And then my MP3 player started playing some cadences that I have loaded on it to run to. Talk about motivation. HOOAH. But of course, this guy, one of the ones that wants me in the Navy, decided to come over and start singing "Anchors Away." He's more concerned about me not getting killed then me actually enjoying my job and what I do. I mean, thanks and all, but the Navy isn't what's in my heart, ya know? Blah.

Oh, and since I've been talkin' about the Vietnam War lately, here's a link to to Captain Walter Roy Schmidt, Jr., whose POW/MIA bracelet I've been wearing for a coupla years now. I don't know what I'm going to do when I go to BCT because I know they won't let me wear it. People ask me why I wear it and if I knew him or something. I then hafta explain that I wear the bracelet as a constant reminder of those who gave their life for their country. "Gone, but never forgotten."

Virtual Wall

Vietnam Veterans Memorial

Good Vietnam War Site

Only Thing...

2006-02-19T21:43:00.000-05:00

...I like about the Winter Olympics are the hockey games.

Is it wrong of me to cheer for Canada?? I love their hockey team! Adam Foote...mmm...

I'm willing to bet they get gold (or silver at the least, after Finland). Sadly, I don't think the USA will medal.

R-E-P-E-A-T!

Why?

2006-02-19T09:01:00.000-05:00

The country that sent us off to war was not there to welcome us home. It no longer existed. We answered the call of one President who was now dead; we followed the orders of another who would be hounded from office, and haunted, by the war he mismanaged so badly.
Many of our countrymen came to hate the war we fought. Those who hated it the most - the professionally sensitive - were not, in the end, sensitive enough to differentiate between the war and the soldiers who had been ordered to fight it. They hated us as well, and we went to ground in the cross fire, as we had learned in the jungles.
In time our battles were forgotten, our sacrifices were discounted, and both our sanity and our suitability for life in polite American society were publicly questioned. Our young-old faces, chiseled and gaunt from the fever and the heat and the sleepless nights, now stare back at us, lost and damned strangers, frozen in yellowing snapshots packed away in cardboard boxes with our medals and ribbons.
From the prologue of We Were Soldiers Once...and Young by Lt. Gen. Harold G. Moore (Ret.) and Joseph L. Galloway

I woke up this morning at 5am...and in my efforts to fall back asleep (it's Sunday, no need for this!), I started surfin' the TV...found The District reruns (why'd they cancel this show!?)...caught the end...The Chief and Ella were at the Wall. No words were spoken. The image always, ALWAYS hits me. I cried. My father was a Vietnam vet. He was, what he considers, one of the unlucky one. He made it home. He dealt with getting spit on, called names, and all-around disrepected for his service. He lost friends and a part of himself that I'll never be able to experience. He volunteered for service during the War. VOLUNTEERED.

That is why I want to serve. Because many before me have and many after me will. I love my country.

Semi-Rant

2006-02-16T22:30:00.001-05:00

“The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.”
Carlos Castaneda

Okay, I'm in a funk and I need to rant, so please bear with me...

The weather outside is crappy. The roads are covered in ice and slush. I have ZERO moto to get my ass out there and run. I mean, shit, I don't wanna slip and fall. To be quite honest, though, I think my lack of running is why I've been so down lately. I mean, I run on the treadmill, but hell...what good is that? It's boring and, well...boring. I wanna lift again. I want to get back into a structured lifestyle/diet, yet every time I start too, something comes up - like, having to drop weight for the Army. Apparently, they don't want you strong, just skinny. Blah. I have legs like fuckin' granite, but they're thick. *sigh* Seriously.

Speaking of diet, I'm thinking next week, I'm going to subsist on whole grain English muffins with natty PB, rice, and Diet Mt. Dew. That'd be okay, right? Hah...carbs, protein, and caffeine - the only things I need. Might throw in a protein shake.

I have set a deadline of the end of March...of course, knowing me, if I don't meet it, I'll push the deadline out (after all, I still have 18 years to enlist before I'm deemed too old). There really is nothing more I want to do with my life than serve my country. So, to tie this to my QOTD (that's "Quote of the day" for all y'all that might be lost), my challenge is to be able to enlist (again) by the end of March. What this entails:

1) No more drinking. Really. I mean it this time.
2) STRICT diet...I'm going to keep a food journal. And lots of water.
3) A good workout routine/plan...and one that I can stick to. This will include pushups, situps, and some running every day. EVERY day.
4) Adequate sleep.
5) Proper supplementation.

So, yeah. That's what's up right now. I guess that's not really a rant. I mean, I could bitch about the stupid Army regulations (I mean, seriously...you're gonna tell me that by measuring my wrist/forearms/neck/waist and factoring in my height/weight will give you an adequate body fat percentage!? Please!), but I figure I do that enough.

Anyway, it's 22:41...I think it's bedtime for Chelsea. G'nite y'all...

Holy Fuckin' Cold!

2006-02-16T11:39:00.000-05:00

“There are only two seasons -- winter and Baseball.”
Bill Veeck

That quote is for SFC B, who, for some odd reason, likes baseball.

Okay, so I'm just being a wuss...but it's cold outside right now!! I am seriously considering ask my aunt and uncle if I can come back...it's 28 right now, with 21mph winds, and a wind chill of 14 degrees...Saturday's low is supposed to be NEGATIVE ONE! FUCKIN' NEGATIVE ONE!! WHAT THE HELL!?

...then again, it is February in Michigan. *sigh* Change of locale, soon, please! Missouri or South Carolina might be nice...haha...=)

On other news, people at the gym keep tryin' me to switch from going Army to going AF or Navy. Blah. This one guy sings "Anchors Away" to me...and this other guy that just enlisted in the AF wants me to go talk to *his* recruiter because the AF recruiter I first talked to was a total douche...hah...

Gut Rot

2006-02-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

Oh man...Best way to spend a Valentine's Day alone? At the bar, of course! My friend and I decided to go out after his speed skating practice. Went to a bar close to the civic arena, had a couple there...normal place. Kinda quiet. Then he decided since I had never been to this hole-in-the-wall bar, that I needed to go. So we went. Omg. The epitome of a hick bar. Hell, the bartender only had one ear. But the drinks were cheap. Although, we kept get stared at (maybe because we had all our teeth?)...I wanted a 3 Wise Men, but they didn't have any Walker, so I was sad...and the bartended, from across the bar, was like, "What do you want? As long as it ain't a left ear, I got it!" I thought I was gonna die! I felt bad for laughing...hah...It was a good night just chillin' with a friend. However, woke up at like, 0830 with the worst case of gut rot ever...It still hurts...But I made myself crawl outta bed and hit the gym...Didn't bug me too much, I just feel...ucky. Haha...And I gotta work later today. That should be fun. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. (If ya say it three times, it comes true, right?) Really though, I do love my job, just not lately. I should quit. First time I quit, I was able to get into the Army. But I'm bored enough as it is, so I need my reprieve from the boredom. Plus, I get paid for it. =) Hope y'all had a good V-Day and I hope SFC B starts feelin' better...

Valentine's Eve

2006-02-13T12:59:00.000-05:00

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
-Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

That is totally my favorite quote about love...*sigh*

Anyway, Valentine's Day is tomorrow, so Happy Valentine's Day to y'all...I hope y'all have a good day, single or not! I will, that's for sure. No, I don't get to spend the day with the person I want to, but I'm happy with my love life.

So, I went and saw the recruiter on Friday. He pulled into the parking lot at the same time as I did, and I sat in my car lookin' at my phone for a bit (trying to figure out who called - mystery number!)...anyway, he came up and knocked on my window and about scared the shit outta me. I screamed, he laughed. Into the office we went. Sat down and talked...he was having a bad day. Basically, I hafta go back THIS Friday...yay...The Station Commander wanted to talk to me - of course - which I dread. He just wanted to see how things were going. Then he looked at me and was like, "Close the door," which always scares me because I'm afraid he's gonna yell at me...He just asked me how I get my lip ring out (it's a Captive Bead Ring) because his wife has her tragus pierced and wants her CBR out. He ALWAYS freaks me out when he wants to talk to me. Blah. He just laughed. "You're so paranoid, Chelsea. When have I ever yelled at you? Well...besides that one time!" Hehe...They love me. I also talked to my recruiter about getting tattoos on my forearms. I'm stil deciding if this is something I want to do. I mean, it's what I *want* but I also *want* to work for the CIA, so I hafta be careful about my tattoo location. Instead, I'm thinking of getting some kanji characters down my spine. I asked my sister to look up the words 'strength,' 'dedication,' 'determination,' 'intelligence,' 'motivation,' and 'courage.'

Really, that's about all that's new with me. Still working out like a fiend. Except I took Saturday and Sunday off because 1)I had to work open to close both days (I work AT the damn gym) and 2)I wore myself out during the week with all the cardio and dieting I had been doing. Two well-deserved days of rest. Yay...OHH! I got my nails done earlier (every two weeks!) and they look cute, so that's something new! Pink nail polish with french tips...haha...I am such a girl!! And yet I would KILL to get an 18X or 11X with Option 40 in my contract...*sigh* Damn tits!

(Oh, and I put those links in the discussion about piercing just for you SFC B...that way you don't get confused! KIDDING!!!)

Happy Hump Day

2006-02-08T12:06:00.000-05:00

“The more sweat in training, the less blood on the battlefield.”
General Patton

If this is true, right now, I should never see any blood, EVER! On my quest to fulfill my promise to my recruiter to be within 5 pounds of where I need to be by this week, I have probably sweated off, ohhh...shit...10 pounds minimum. Haha...it's exhausting, to say the least. And the diet part is kinda hard...trying not to eat that much. But I decided to incorporate natty peanut butter, so that way my cravings are under control. However, I'm definitely feeling it. This morning, I got on the treadmill to run (since its HELLA cold out right now, and snowy)...couldn't. My body was like, "No ma'am." Hah...so I walked, quickly...at an incline...for an hour. I don't know how those other people can walk that long...I get bored very easily. At least I had ESPN to entertain me (I ALWAYS watch ESPN when doing cardio). Anyway, this week I've been doing three hours of cardio a day - 1.5 hrs in the morning and 1.5 hrs in the afternoon, making sure to burn 1,000 calories (minimum) each time, according to my heart-rate monitor (which I love and recommend EVERYONE get one!).

I also taught my first spin class last night...well, "indoor cycling." My friend Erik put it simply, "So, you're teaching people how to ride stationary bikes?" Hah...it's harder than that! At least my classes are!! It was okay...everyone was sweating by the end. I love that shit! My other friend Kevin was like, "But you're a runner, not a cyclist!" Hehe...it was cool to be called a runner by someone like him. I mean, he's a competitive speed skater and totally rocks...so, yeah...I had a slight ego-boost from that. Anyway, my favorite workout is to go for a nice 5-mile run (outside) and then hop on a spin bike and do a fun 75-minute ride. GREAT!! Seriously though, I love it.

That's really all that's been going on with me. Spending OODLES of time in the gym...and sleeping. Hah...

...and, by the way, right after I posted my last entry, my profile updated...Yay...That picture of me reminds me of pictures of my dad from when he was in the Corps...crazy. Very rarely do I look like anyone in my family. And SFC B, notice the LABRET piercing...haha...Sorry! I still find that humorous!! =)

Dammit!

2006-02-07T12:28:00.000-05:00

Dammit. Why isn't my profile updating!? I changed it YESTERDAY and it's still the old one...
Here...because I like this song and it's not working on my MySpace page (http://www.myspace.com/wannabesoldier83)...

American Soldier

Quick Change

2006-02-06T09:08:00.000-05:00

I don't know, but I've been told
The Marine Corp thinks it's mighty bold
They don't know what the Army can do
We are proud of our history too
Our looks and style may not be smooth
But you oughta see this Army move
Look to left and what do you see
A bunch of jarheads just looking at me
Shout it out and sing it loud
I'm a Soldier and I'm mighty proud!

Army running cadence

Wow...so I went to Texas for a week...came home last Wednesday...when I left Tejas, it was ~80 degrees...when I came back to Michigan, it was ~40 degrees...WTF!? But yeah, I'm back home...

So last Thursday, my friend Erik and I decided to hang out...actually, we planned to while I was still in Tejas...He needed to get some stuff for some t-shirts he makes, so we met up at the craft store that is literally RIGHT NEXT DOOR to my recruiter's office...It was like 7:30p, and I was like, "HEY! Let's go see my recruiter!" Erik rolled his eyes and we continued into the store. Seriously, not even five minutes later, I get a phone call from my recruiter; "Hey crackhead! How ya been?" "Did you see my car in the parking lot or wha?!" "No. I'm driving back to the office right now. I hadn't talked to you in a while and I wanted to see how things were." Talk about weird. Anyway...Erik and I didn't go see him that night, but I told him I would stop in Friday morning, so I did. We just chit-chatted for a bit, and I got teased, a lot, which really isn't nothing new both with my recruiter and everyone else I know. Anyway, I told my recruiter I would be within five pounds of the weight that I needed to be at by the following Friday. Weighed myself this morning. Haha...I shouldn't have told my recruiter that. Oh well. I can do it. It's really nothing new. I honestly, though, don't think I like look I weigh as much as I do. I know, I know..."Muscle weighs more than fat." (Which, actually, it doesn't. A pound of fat is the same as a pound of muscle, but a pound of muscle takes up less space.) I want this bad, so I'll do what I need to to get where I need to be. I plan on packing a bag for BCT sometime this week, so whenever my recruiter says, "All right, you can get the MOS you want but you hafta leave next week," I'll be ready.

Moving on. Last night when my dad and I were grocery shopping, I ran into my awesome tattoo artist...talked to him for a bit, and I asked if I could stop by Monday to talk about and maybe get some work done...so that's my plan for this evening. I am so freakin' excited!! I love getting modifications. I was also told that my friend may start training to become a piercer. I told him I would be his pin cushion for his training...haha...yay...I know, I know! I can't have my piercings when I leave for BCT...It'll be fun to have them in the meantime!! Haha...that reminds me, when I stopped in to talk to my recruiter Friday, he called up my favorite person, the station commander, and made me talk to him. The SC told me I didn't need a waiver to get back in and then he was like, "So, dare I ask what else you've gotten pierced since I've last seen you?" I laughed and promised him I hadn't gotten anything else pierced. (For those that may be lost at this point, back in November, I got my labret repierced - it was pierced before, but I took it out...then the piercing place had a special, so I got it repierced because I like the way it looks on me.)

So, I hope y'all are doing okay...I'll keep this updated more this week as I find out more information...

(And I'm watching the Tyra show...apparently she has a fear of dolphins...what the fuck!?)

Chillaxin'

2006-01-27T12:19:00.000-05:00

I don't think I've ever seen 70-80 degree weather, in January, in my whole life...it makes me giggle because I think of all my friends back home where they're lucky if it gets above freezing right now...but then I remember that I'll be back there...blah...Maybe I should move here...

Anyway...I just wanted to write this post to recommend a book that I am currently reading. Of course, this recommendation only applies if you're in, have been, or will be in the military. It's called The Kinder, Gentler Military: How Political Correctness Affects Our Ability to Win Wars by Stephanie Guttman. It's about how weak the training for the military has gotten. VERY GOOD so far...I kinda agree...But that just might be because my personality is a little different then other people's are. I mean, I enjoy getting the shit beat outta me and stuff (okay, not LITERALLY, but I like a nice shove every once in a while!)...So, read it! If I knew my recruiter could read, I'd make him read it...he might get a kick outta it...haha...Speaking of my recruiter, he has once again gone MIA...I don't even think he knows I'm in Texas...My friend wants me to switch to her recruiter...Eh...we'll see where I'm at with everything when I get back home...For now, I'm not even gonna stress about it...yay...=)

...dammit! In my search for the author of that book, I'm finding others I wanna read...Guess they'll be goin' on my Wish List so I remember 'em!!

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

2006-01-24T05:31:00.000-05:00

Mountain Dew on your oatmeal!?
My dad just asked me that because I cooked some oatmeal and also had a 2L of DIET Mt. Dew in my hand...He thought I was going to put the Dew on the oatmeal. Gross.

Just to letch'all know I'll be in Texas for the next week (until 20060201). I'm excited. I can run outside again!! Haha...anyway...when I return, I've decided I'm packing a bag, and then hitting the recruiter's office and tell him to put me boots. That way, whenever a slot for my MOS popups, I'll be GTG!.

Anyway, Imma look like a total tool at the airport. Army hoodie. Army DEP bag. Army water bottle. Christ, get me a pair of ACUs to complete the ensemble. =) Soon...

Crying

2006-01-21T10:56:00.000-05:00

"I've never seen someone so miserable that has a lot going for her."
Jay

I think that's what made me cry. So I'm sitting here, with tears streaming down my face, because he's right. In a way. Sure, I have a lot going for me, but none of it is what I want. I hate having goals that seem so out-of-reach some days, and then within my grasp the next. Someone is mind-fucking me! Ha...Ya know...I've dealt with so much shit trying to get into the Army, but do I give up? No. Why? I should, apparently. Any reasonable person would. Any normal person would. But guess what! I'm not normal, and I'm not reasonable when it comes to getting something I want. Yeah, the Army is kinda fucked with their regulations and the bureacratic red tape, but at least I'm not joining NOT knowing this shit. I go through all this shit because it's what I want. "Nothing worthwhile in life is easy." People tell me I'll be disappointed and all that because I've put in so much effort and all that to achieving this, but I disagree. I want this. Really. Nothing in life is completely, 100% stress-free.

I have a vacation coming up. Texas. Away from Midland. Away from Michigan. Away from the people most negative about me joining. I mean, I've had people tell me, "Chelsea, I'm glad you didn't go." I AM NOT GLAD. Don't get me wrong, I love (most of) my family and my friends...but, they don't provide with something that my life is missing. They don't give me a reason to live, ya know? They don't give my life purpose...meaning. Serving my country, doing a job that actually serves a purpose beyond myself - that does. To wake up and know that, sure, it may be a shitty day or week or month or year, but dammit, it's a good thing overall.

Done. Perhaps I need to go for a good run.

Random Shoutout

2006-01-19T20:20:00.000-05:00

No quote, nothing...just a random shoutout or two!!!

CHECK HIS BLOG, Y'ALL!!

...hah...Just because he mine under "People I enjoy reading because I like their stories" and I feel kinda honored...*blush*...That, and I'm hyper as fuck right now...Going out again tonight...yay!! Stay tuned tomorrow for more funny drunk stories!! Hah...or not. I guess only tomorrow knows, eh??

AND...another shoutout to "Recruiter" (dunno his name or anything)...according to my stat counter, I get a lot of visitors from his page, as well...

READ HIS BLOG, TOO, Y'ALL!!

Maybe I'm just showing recruiter appreciation...I mean, I mighta been drunk last night, but I let Sarn't know that I appreciate what he does and stuff...so...yeah...recruiters are Soldiers, too, ya know! =)

...speaking of my stat counter, it's interesting to see where people are reading from...like, there's someone that's read my blog from Ft. Jackson...that's scary...what if it's a Drill Sergeant!? And when I enlist, I get sent to Jackson, and this Drill Sergeant recognizes me!?!?!? Haha...one word: PARANOID. =)

Follow Your Heart

2006-01-17T11:46:00.000-05:00

"I am proud of my Country and its flag. I want to look back and say that I am proud to have served my Country as a soldier."
Last line of the Soldier's Code

Whenever someone comes to me for advice, I always end up telling the same thing - follow your heart. It's time for me to take my own advice.

Lately, people have come up to me and asked me why I'm still around...I tell that what happened with my reno and everything, and they get all pissed and stuff. THEY'RE PISSED!?!? How do they think I feel?? But then, I just shake my head and tell them, "Hey, if I didn't want this more than anything in my life, I would give up and get a civie job." They then shake THEIR heads and walk away, saddened it seems, by some college-educated girl who they think is wasting her life by enlisting in the military. I'm sick of explaining myself to people. Like I told my recruiter, there is nothing in my life that I've done that has produced the same feeling that enlisting has. I'm sure the next time I feel that will be on the parade deck at BCT graduation, when I can finally actually say I'm officially a soldier. Sure, that's been postponed, but I've gone through the motions of anger and frustration, took the weekend off (okay, slept the weekend off), and started back full-steam ahead Monday morning. There really are no words for how proud I am to be an American, and that sounds so corny and crap, but it's true. Yeah, there are things about the US that I hate, but I've studied enough politics to know that we have it way better than most countries around the world.

I have been been delayed, but I have not been deterred from reaching my goals. I will be a Soldier and I will make my country proud of me.

Okay...done rambling...Just felt like getting that off my chest.

A Dream Deferred

2006-01-12T11:15:00.000-05:00

“Take away the right to say ‘fuck’ and you take away the right to say ‘fuck the government.’”
- Lenny Bruce

Haha, or fuck the Army, as seems to be my current saying...

I guess I'm kinda ambivilant about my feelings toward serving right now. This past week has been a nightmare. I mean, honestly, does anyone know what it feels like to have someone else come around and fuck with you enough to make you reconsider something that was a lifelong goal?? I feel totally lost right now with my life. I have no idea what's going on...and yeah, I'm whining - shut the fuck up, it's my damn blog and I'll do as I please...haha...

Anyway...I lost my claddah ring, which kinda pisses me off because it was from my grandmother, and she's no longer here...I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this entry - I think it's just so I could use that cool quote. Dunno.

Well I Did It

2006-01-09T16:48:00.000-05:00

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."
Unknown

This is the email I sent to my recruiter earlier today...haven't heard back...kinda nervous...Can't wait for the threats of fines and jail time...haha...BRING IT ON...=)

Hey…

First and foremost, do not underestimate my desire to serve my country, particularly in the Army. If I didn’t truly want this, I wouldn’t have busted my ass for the past two years, at least, to try and get in. If you doubt my commitment, you are more than welcome to come to the gym and talk to the scores of people who would prefer that I not join and who have talked with me and seen what I’ve put myself through for this. Trust me, dealing with getting constantly accused of having an eating disorder, or throwing my life away, or one of the many other accusations I’ve had thrown at me, is not fun.

However, I do have to put myself first in this whole thing and look out for my future and what I want to do. That being said, I do not want to ship next week unless I have, in my contract, that my MOS will be 37F (PSYOPS). When I signed for 96B (Intel Analyst) it was with the understanding that SFC. E would help me renegotiate my contract to get an MOS I wanted. On the second trip down to Chicago, after I had refused to sign for any other jobs, E had called the MEPS and talked to me. He told just to sign for SOMETHING and that he would work on a reno for me. So, on my third trip, that’s what I did – signed for something under the impression that E would help me out. Now I feel a bit…screwed, to say the least.

I have in front of me various paths I could take in my life. I could go on to get my Masters degree, my Juris Doctorate, or my Doctorate in Philosophy. I could apply for the FBI, CIA, or any other numerous agencies and start from the bottom. I have a Bachelors degree and graduated with the highest honors – there’s a world of opportunities available to me if I wanted. If I wanted. That’s the key – want. As I said before, what I want is to serve my country and do something in my life that I can be proud of. There are things I’ve accomplished that I should be proud of doing – losing all the weight I did, getting a full-tuition scholarship, graduating with top honors in four years with a double major and a minor. But none of that, or anything else I’ve done in my life, has produced the feeling of pride and accomplishment that taking the enlistment oath that I felt. Understand?

I also want you to know that I appreciate so much what you and SFC. Brown have done for me. I mean that. I wish there were stronger words to express my gratitude to you. Regardless of it being your job, you’re one of a VERY SMALL pool of people who have supported my decision to enlist.

I don’t know what exactly I’m supposed to do at this point. I don’t want to screw up any chance I have of re-enlisting at some point, but I also don’t want to ship without a guarantee of PSYOPS or even OCS at this point. Nor am I going to ship on the premise that my reno MAY come through while I’m in Basic. Like I said, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do at this point, but I do know that E cannot force me to ship, which I feel he’s going to try and tell me that I do.

Frustrated, Angry, Pissed, Upset, Disgusted, Unmotivated, Undisciplined, UNCHELSEA

2006-01-07T09:19:00.000-05:00

“The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.”
--Carlos Castaneda

Yeah, that's me right now. Everything. I broke down at the gym today...Some of the shit I'm taking to help me drop weight has fucked with my CV conditioning, and I can barely run a mile without dropping...I used to run 5, no problem! WTF!?! So, about seven minutes into my cardio, I fuckin' pounded the 'Stop' button on the treadmill, ran into the bathroom, and broke down. Stood there staring at myself in the mirror, completely disgusted and frustrated with myself. What the fuck happened to the girl who used to love running and working out and all that good shit!? What happened to my muscles!? There is no word in the Englist language strong enough to accurately describe how much I hate myself right now. I FUCKING SHIP IN 12 DAYS AND I HAFTA DROP 18 (YES, EIGHTEEN) POUNDS OR ELSE I DON'T LEAVE AND GET DEP-DROPPED. Shoot me now. I know I CAN do...if my body were willing to cooperate with me.

It's Hockey Day in Canada (Yes 'Day' and not just 'Night'), so I think I might crawl into bed and just watch hockey and sleep.

Two weeks...

2006-01-05T10:15:00.000-05:00

I'd sure hate to break down here
Nothin up ahead or in the rear-view mirror
Out in the middle of nowhere knowin
I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin
God help me keep me movin somehow
Don't let me start wishin I was with now
I've made it this far without cryin a single tear
I'd sure hate to break down here
- Julie Roberts, "Break Down Here"

So, yeah, that's kinda what I did last night. Broke down. Mentally. Kinda. Hah...I was talkin' to a few people, and it just kept pissing me off...I bust my ass for shit, and see very little in way of return on investion stuff...Know what I mean?? I diet, I run, I workout like a mofo...I'm probably in better shape than 85% of the new recruits, but because I'm built differently, I'm 'overweight' and yadda yadda yadda...Poor Jay and Brandy...I feel bad for whining to them last night...

Anyway...Down 6lbs...So, that's good...Right? Hah...yeah...I decided today to take the day off and give myself a break...I need it...I just wanna curl in bed and sleep, but...

...TODAY IS MY LAST DAY AT WORK!!!! That should be fun...hah...Righhhtttt...I picked up a buncha boxes last night from work to pack some stuff up...It's getting closer...14 days from today...My SC called yesterday and left me a voicemail...Said it was nothing important and he just wanted to see how I was doing, blah blah blah! C'MON MOFO! What about my reno!?!? Dammit...I dunno...Seriously...And where the hell is my recruiter!? I don't wanna talk to my damn SC...*sigh*

Holy Shit

2005-12-31T20:45:00.000-05:00

Wow...my blog is on milblogging.com...

Hah...I rock...Apparently...

Check me out...haha...how'd I get there?

So Cliched

2005-12-31T19:56:00.000-05:00

Don’t blame the mirror for an ugly face.
(I don't know where this is from...my friend had it up on MSN Messenger, and I loved it! And Yahoo is not cooperating with me to find out where it's from.)

So, yeah, I am so fucked right now. No, not fucked UP. Fucked. Screwed. In major, big time trouble (Okay, not major, big time, but could be!). Let's just say I weighed myself this morning, and I swear the scale told me to get off, I was hurting it. So. Yeah. I SUCK. Fuckin' A! I might not hafta worry about my reno coming through if I can't get rid of this weight, dammit. My friend was like, "Uh, someone is trying to tell you something!" She, among with a lot of others do not want me leaving at all. What the fuck do they expect me to do? Stay in Midland, working at Smitty's the rest of my life!? Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I don't get a)enough hours or b)enough money to live off of. Plus, there is nothing to do in this town (as evidenced by me even WRITING THIS ON NEW YEAR'S EVE!) and staying here would be a sure-fire way to drive myself insane.

Anyway. New Year's Eve. This is such a bullshit 'holiday.' I was talking to one of the members at the gym yesterday and he basically shared the same sentiment. He said, "There's so much pressure for you to do something COOL on New Year's Eve. And if you don't, you're a loser!" This was after I told him I was most likely sleeping my New Year's Eve away and he didn't make some comment about me being lame or stupid or anything like that. Then this other member walked in and we asked him what he was doing. "Uh, sleeping?" Haha! VINDICATION IS MINE! I AM NOT THE ONLY LOSER IN MIDLAND! =)

...there really was a point in mentioning New Year's Eve and all that shit. As you probably are well aware, this is the time of resolutions and changes in people's lives. I was reading a great article ("Iron John: Free Will & Free Weights" by Dan John) about will power and all that good stuff. The author, Dan John, mentions how there are basically ways in which one can better achieve his/her goals (he's actually talking about freeing up one's free will, but that's a concept you're going to hafta read the article to fully grasp). First, you've got to find someway to create the best environment to acheive those goals. Second, TELL EVERYONE. Make yourself accountable to what you've promised. Lastly, downsize your life. He uses the example of the guy who bitches about not having enough time to train, but in the next breath, can spout off the plots for all the latest television hits. Find what's important and get rid of what's not. Anyway, concept #2 is not something foreign to me (if you remember, I posted entries about my goals because I thought that would make me accountable for reaching them. I was wrong. Dead wrong). So, I figured I'm going to post my "resolutions" although I prefer the term "goals" because goals, to me, are something I am capable of acheiving if given the right circumstances and tools to do so. However...as I type this, I realize that because of the unknown nature of what next year will bring, I can't really set goals that might be achievable. For example, I would love to run a marathon, but I don't know that I'll have the schedule to properly train for one, ya know? So, in actuality, I'm not going to post my goals, and this whole last paragraph has been a waste! =)

Either way...I wish I had written down what my resolutions for 2005 were because I'd be able to look back and see what good it actually did to set them. Looking back at my old blog ("Strenght Reveals Itself Through Character") I notice that I only had one goal, that I set in March - to join the military by September. Well, I got half of it, so that counts for something right?? I mean, I joined in October. Wasn't TOO far off. Okay...now that I'm rereading some of my old journal entries, I'm almost tempted to post them, but I won't. If you care, you can go and read them. I won't bog you down any further.

Happy New Year and I only wish for y'all that 2006 is better than 2005.

BLACKJACK!

2005-12-29T11:34:00.000-05:00

"It is indispensable to our success in this war that those we ask to fight it know that in the discharge of their dangerous responsibilities to their country they are never expected to forget that they are Americans, and the valiant defenders of a sacred idea of how nations should govern their own affairs and their relations with others - even our enemies.
Those who return to us and those who give their lives for us are entitled to that honor. And those of us who have given them this onerous duty are obliged by our history, and the many terrible sacrifices that have been made in our defense, to make clear to them that they need not risk their or their country's honor to prevail; that they are always - through violence, chaos and heartache of war, through deprivation and cruelty and loss - they are always, always, Americans, and different, better and strong than those who would destroy us."
Senator John McCain

Okay, I'm a dork...I have 21 days left until I'm supposed to ship...hence, the whole blackjack thing...

Anyway...Christmas is done and over with, thankfully...I really hate the holidays...Always kinda have, except when I was a child...They lose their charm after you find out Santa is a hoax...I took some sick kind of pleasure in letting my mom know that this was the last Christmas I would be around for a while...haha...even if I get leave next year, I don't plan on coming back to MI...hell no...haha...Oh well!

So, yeah, I was talking to my friend Erik last night and he asked how I was feeling about leaving soon. For the first time, I could honestly say I wasn't scared or nervous or anything. He was all shocked - "This is a total turnaround from like, a month ago! What gives?!" I told him I knew that I would make it - people have graduated before me and they'll continue to graduate after me. There is nothing about me that will stop me from succeeding in BCT...Besides, after talking to people that are on Exodus right now, I have the feeling that BCT will be easier than trying to understand Greek philosophy...which, I did with flying colors during college. So, now I just kinda feel...nonchalant almost about the whole thing. Some kinda weird, serene peacefulness...Fuck...haha..."calm before the storm" bullshit, probably...

OHH!! On the plus side, it's been hella nice outside, and it's given me a chance to run outside in the mornings!! I've almost had a few stumbles, as the snow hasn't COMPLETELY melted, but nothing too bad...I was so excited about that!! Haha...I am such a nerd...=)

Hope this entry finds you all in good spirits after the holidays and stuff...Happy New Year to y'all...

Less Than A Month Away

2005-12-21T21:11:00.000-05:00

"You're not going to try to simulate a bay in your room are you, high speed?"

My Friend Nichole

So, yeah, I realize that I haven't updated this in a while, and I apologize for those of that care...My life has been quite boring and nothing earth-shattering has happened to make it necessary to post...But, yeah, today sucked.

Went to see my recruiter this morning. He's a good guy, really. But I do not like his boss very much. If I'm not the perfect recruit, he gets all pissy with me. I've spent the last three years dealing with an undiagnosed eating disorder, and he feels it's necessary to constantly barrage me about my weight. I could knock that fucker out if it weren't against some regulation somewhere. My recruiter trusts me to deal with my weight and shit, so he doesn't bug me.

And then there's the whole contract reno issue. I signed the paperwork BEFORE Thanksgiving and NOTHING yet. Not a word. I don't want to ship without that MOS, and I will let the SC know that if he doesn't get his ass on it. I don't want to be a DEP loss as serving my country is something I want more than anything, but I'm not stupid enough to just do whatever...I wish my recruiter were an ass so I wouldn't feel bad about doing it, but he's not, so I haven't said anything yet. But damn, I'm down to 29 (Okay, 28 technically) days before I'm supposed to ship. I don't have time to fuck around with this shit anymore. *sigh*

On a completely different, and somewhat funny note, my work Christmas party was earlier this month and I had to share this picture with y'all...Apparently, I was recruiter by my co-worker's mom to give her husband lessons on proper squat form so he get a better ass...This was the night I realized I had a drinking problem because I don't remember anything after taking a shot of Crown...and this squat lesson apparently falls after that shot, because when my boss showed me the picture, I about died laughing my ass off - "OMG! What the fuck am I doing!?!?" Haha...here y'all go! (Notice I'm proudly sportin' the Army hoodie...)

That's all for now...

Holidays Suck!!

2005-11-29T11:02:00.000-05:00

"We have come out of the time when obedience, the acceptance of discipline, intelligent courage and resolution were most important, into that more difficult time when it is a person's duty to understand the world rather than simply fight for it."

Ernest Hemingway

Okay, so I got bad at updating this thing...my apologies...

Anyway, let's see...haha...Life sucks right now...This was my last Thanksgiving at home, and I couldn't even spend it with my dad, which was what I wanted to do...The holidays are going to be hard as hell this year because I don't have my grandma to celebrate them with. She was probably one of the most important figures in my life, and she passed away in January...It was weird, I went to grave the other day and noticed that my planned start date for BCT is the same day that she passed away...That didn't help much...ANYWAY...My dad's wife's son was over for dinner on Thanksgiving and he wasn't supposed to be...He freaks me out...Creepy as hell...My dad knows I don't like him...When I came downstairs and saw him there, I got pissed...Went back up to my room, grabbed my shit, and high-tailed it outta there to my sister's place in Mt. Pleasant...We shared a bag of popcorn and watched The Skeleton Key. It was funny...I walked in and asked if she had any alcohol...Haha...She had 5 Smirnoff Twisteds, and by the end of the night, they were all gone...Blah...Anyway...Finally got home and proceeded to get yelled at by my dad for not having any concern for him and yada yada...I finally looked at him and said, "Listen, you ruined my last Thanksgiving at home. All I wanted was to spend it with you, but nooo...because that fuckhead was here, I didn't get to. It's bad enough I don't get to spend it with my grandma, but to not get to spend it with you was too much!" It was not an easy night...I seriously wonder if dealing with the loss of my grandma will ever get easier, because it still feels as shitty as when she first passed away...Hurts like a bitch...

Anyway...weighed myself this morning - not good...haha...about 10lbs over my enlistment weight...So I wasn't too happy about that...Laced up my running shoes and hit the streets for a nice 5.25-mile run...I finished in the fastest time yet, and felt like I coulda done it all over again...and again. It was nice...Then I hit the gym for another hour of cardio and a nice chest/back workout...Still weak as fuck, but I'm getting there...Slowly but surely, right? I hope the weather stays somewhat decent so I can get back out and run some more...The treadmill just doesn't equate to the kind of free-feeling I get when I run outside...Also, time to lay the smackdown on my diet and shit...Blah...Love it...righttt...I'm kinda waiting for a phone call from my recruiter...I went in there last week for my weekly weigh-in, and just broke down to the female recruiter (she was the only one there)...Bitching about how my recruiter nor the station commander really understand how shitty it is...I seriously don't think my body is meant to be super-skinny...In fact, I think if I weighed any less than 135-140, I'd look sickly...Oh well...

Other than my struggles with my weight and the still-painful loss of my grandma, nothing else has really been going on...Just spending some time with some friends...Went out to dinner at Genji's Friday night...Word to the wise - if they ask if you want some Japanese ketchup, kindly decline...hah...I almost ended up in a fountain because of that!! Saturday night, I went over to my friend Ben's place, played cards, then we headed to the bar...He is sooo funny to be around when he's buzzing...Talking about cheese-flavored pepperoni and all that kinda stuff...Then there was the classic move I made, talking to the waiter about some drinks they had, I stumbled into a pool table and the waiter was like, "Uh...you sure you need more to drink!?" Mind you, this was after only ONE Smirnoff Twisted...I just naturally have no balance, and any alcohol seems to excaberate that problem...Then, when we got back to Ben's place, he asked if I was okay to drive (I had three drinks total), and I was like, "Yeah, I'm not drunk, I just can't walk straight!!" Haha...I rock...But, I've decided that drinking is just no good for me...I mean, sure, it's opened up my social life and shit, but shit, it's fucking with my body and crap...So I just am not going to drink anymore...*sigh*...Hmm...what else...Nothing else really has been going on...My life is kinda mellow right now, and I like it like that...Kinda working more hours at the gym and meeting more new members there, so that's cool...Enjoying my time while I have it to enjoy...Ya know, the way I talk it's like I'm dying or something!!

So, yeah, as of today, I have 51 days before I'm set to ship to Ft. Leonard Wood...Needless to say, I'm getting more and more nervous and anxious and all that shit...Been thinking maybe I should be going officer instead...Not too sure though...One side of me says that it might be the better choice for me in getting me the kinda qualifications I'll need for the civilian world after my military career...But the other side of me says that it might be best to go enlisted, get experience on the enlisted side of things, and then put in my packet for OCS...I figure within 3-6 years, I'll be an officer anyway...There's this program, the Funded Legal Education Program (FLEP), in which the military will pay you to go to law school basically...that becomes your 'job' for however many years it takes to finish, and you just owe that many years in return to the military...For example, three years is the norm to finish law school, so you go for three years, then serve at least an additional three years...Basic quals for the FLEP are to have served at least two years and be an officer with no more than six years of service...So I figure, put in two years enlisted, put in my packet for OCS, (hopefully) get my commission, then try for the FLEP...Eh...We'll see...I put in the paperwork a few weeks ago for a renegotiation of my contract to change my MOS to 37F - Psychological Operations Specialists (PSYOP), so hopefully that'll get approved and shit...I've figured maybe if that doesn't get approved, I'll go officer...Not too sure though...Big thing is, though, that if I go officer, I would prefer to do with the Marine Corps...Their OCS is so extensive and intensive, I would for sure feel confident and compotent as a leader with that training...Again, we'll see how things go...I'll definitely try to keep y'all updated as more comes about...

Bored...

2005-11-13T13:19:00.000-05:00

I was bored, so I figured I'd put up a post to let people know what the fuck is going on with me...

1) I've been drinking wayyy too much...hah...I went out THREE times in the past week: Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday...I think I need to draw the line on drinking during the week...Not good...Can we say 'future alcoholic'??

2) Running has been a bitch this past week, and I don't know why. My times have all sucked major dick...I know one day it was because of the freakin' wind...But the other days I have no excuse for!! Hell, Friday's run was just miserable! I feel so shitty!!

3) I've started setting weekly goals, along with my long-term goals in the last post...so, I think I should post those as well, maybe?? I suppose so...here goes:

Goals for the week of November 13th – 20th:

1) Run outside five times, between 3-5 miles.

2) Do two hours of cardio each day.

3) Strength train 4 or 5 days, minimum.

4) Eat clean (less than 1500 calories) and not past 1900 (that's 7:00p).

5) Drop weight back to 165lbs.

I'll update with my progress during the week...

Setting Goals = Moto?

2005-11-01T16:57:00.000-05:00

"I've often thought that when something is hard for you, whether it's going to law school or anything else that challenges you, that's probably what you should do."

Hillary Rodham Clinton

She is one of few women I truly respect and look up to...

Anyway...moving on to the original intent of this post...I just wanted to publicize my goals because then I'll be accountable for them, right??

Goal #1:

Lose fifteen pounds before I ship...just to give myself a cushion...

Goal #2:

Be able to score 75pts in each event on the APFT...which means this: 28 PUs, 62 SUs, and a sub-18 minute 2-mile run...The run is taken care of...easy...Just gotta work on the other things...

That's all, really...for the time being...those are my short-term goals...I have long-term goals, but they're really irrelevant to the topic of this post, kinda...I mean, with my lagging moto lately, I figured I needed to get my ass in gear - I do only have 79 days left before I ship. I figured the best way to do that would be to set and achieve smaller goals...I had another one, but I already achieved that...Wanted to be able to run 5 miles straight without stopping...God, I love running...I really do...It gives me time to just think...Granted, I start thinking about the Army and Basic Training and just kinda freak out, but whatever...haha...Now I just wanna be able to get my 5-mile time under 45 minutes...I guess that could be another goal, eh?? Sure, why not!

Anyway...I'm done...Just wanted to post those and let y'all know what was up for the time being...yay...

Oh no, not again

2005-10-28T21:15:00.000-05:00

"You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish, if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose."

Abraham Lincoln

I dunno what my deal is, but my motivation has been severely lacking these past few days...and my appetite is way up...Not a good combination...I need to get my ass back in gear...I need a big kick in the ass...I should go to the DEP meetings or something...

Someone help...I need some outside motivation because I'm obviously lacking the internal motivation...

Growing Up

2005-10-22T10:24:00.000-05:00

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.”
William Shakespeare from Julius Cesar

So, yeah, I went out again last night, but this time I only had three drinks. Didn't even feel a buzz...Went with my new favorite Amerretto Sour, had a Sex on the Beach, and then some guy handed me an Alligator Piss (Peach Schnapps, Southern Comfort, Amerretto, and Sour - looked like Mt. Dew). I had a ton of fun last night, though...Got to hang out with Derek and Jason, whom I really haven't seen since high school almost five years ago...We kept talking about how old we're getting and everything...It was weird...It sucks that I'm reconnecting with some old friends before I ship out...

Which brings me to the real topic of this post...I went to breakfast this morning with my dad, like we always do on Saturdays...Somehow we got on the topic of what he's gonna do with my room when I'm gone...He told me, "You realize this is a life changing thing. You won't be coming home once you're in." Then he went on about how it'll always be my 'home' and everything. He then told me how he moved back home after he served in the Marines, but his dad kicked him out. "When you're done with this [as if my military service is going to be short-term], you grow up and move on." I swear I thought he was going to cry! And it made me want to cry! Leaving my dad will be one of the hardest things I've had to do, but I told him that eventually I was going to have to grow up. I wasn't going to be one of those people that live with their parents for the rest of their lives. It just seems like the totality of the whole situation finally hit him. His baby is growing up. Ever since I enlisted, it seems like I've done a lot of growing up. It's weird. It's almost scary. But I'm 22 years old, time to grow up...I've lived with my parents my whole life and had everything handed to me.

Things just seem to be hitting me a lot harder lately...

Oh wow...

2005-10-17T09:34:00.000-05:00

"Do you find yourself laying awake at night, thinking to yourself, 'What the fuck did I just do!?'"

My boss, Matt Smith

So, yeah...I do, Matt, thanks...hehe...He asked me that the other day while we were doing cardio...I was like, "Uh, yeah, only every other second, man!"

Anyway...Nothing really new on the Army front...I'm still set to ship on 19 Jan 06, as an 96B (intel analyst)...For now...I hafta go talk to the station commander and see if he'll reno my contract for a different job...I am not looking forward to that conversation...

But, on to other things...I have more than a few friends that have been wanting to see me drunk...I kept telling them that after I signed my enlistment contract, I would go out and get totally fucked up...Well, Saturday was my day to finally pay the piper...and boy, did I pay...In the span of 45 minutes, I drank a Bud Light, a Pina Colada, a shot of Peppermint Schnapps, a Piece of Ass, a shot of Jagermeister, and a Pixie Stix...But wait, the list doesn't end there...The remainder of the night, I had a White Russian, a Three Wisemen, two Amerretto Sours (love those!), a shot of Jose Cuervo, and an Irish Car Bomb...Now, mind you, I have never even TASTED alcohol before this night...I was a giggly-ass drunk...I kept repeating three phrases:

1) "DON'T TELL MY RECRUITER!!" At one point, I even said, "No! I'll tell him," as I grabbed for my phone...I have never seen that many people rush to grab a cell phone...I only made one drunk phone call to my friend Roni, because she called and I missed her call...She got a good laugh outta it...
2) After someone would say something about my drinking skills, I would roll up my shirt sleeve, point to my Celtic tattoos, and say "I'm Irish!"
3) I'd get these moments of clarity where my rational side would emerge and I realized just how intoxicated I was, I would then turn to my friend Aaron, hit his arm, say, "OMG! I am soooo drunk!" and then just giggle for like 2 minutes!

I also learned that I'm a geography genius when I'm drunk...I use very exaggerated hand gestures...and I talk REALLY loud...I hate tequilla; the only reason I had a shot was because I felt that I had to - it's tequilla! The waitress apparently was impressed with how well I held my liquor...I think I not only amused my friends that I was with, but also the bar patrons that were around us...Oh well...I had a good time, but I don't think this is a habit I'm going to start getting into on a regular basis...Although, Amerretto Sours do rock...God, the memories are slowly coming back...I apparently blew my friend Ben a kiss good night as he was walking away from us...I think I also told him that I was going to take the picture of us that someone took at the bar with me to basic training...I only puked twice AFTER I got home, and when I woke up Sunday morning, I felt normal...No headaches, no hangovers...The worst thing I had/have was a sore throat, probably from all the yelling I did...hehe...

Anyway...that's enough about my drunk escapades for now...There's nothing really else to report back on...

'Bout Damned Time

2005-10-06T08:50:00.000-05:00

“Do today what others won't, so tomorrow you can do what others can't.”
Unknown

Well, it's official...I am officially a member of the US Armed Forces...I enlisted yesterday, Wednesday, 05 Oct 05, into the United States Army as a 96B - intelligence analyst...I signed for five years (although it's really eight, and if you think otherwise, you might wanna recheck that...) and received a $12K bonus...

So...that's the technical, nitty-gritty of it...What about me, personally...

Oh shit, I keep thinkin' I fucked up somehow...First of all, I wanted 37F (PSYOPS) in the worst way...Don't get me wrong, 96B was on my list and will still provide me with the training/experience in the intel field that I wanted...But, damn...I keep wondering if I shouldn't have just held out for 37F...I think part of me signing was a hesitation to go back home without a job for the second time...*sigh*...I also should have pushed for things like station of choice and Airborne guaranteed to me...So right now, I don't know how I really feel about the whole situation...All I know is that I don't feel as proud as I should...I mean, I do, but...I don't know...It's hard to put what I'm feeling into words...Standing there, taking that oath...woah man...That was a feeling I'd never felt before...That was true pride in myself and my accomplishments...Don't get me wrong about that...This is the only thing I've done so far in my life that I'm actually proud of...*sigh*...I dunno...Maybe it's just nervousness over the whole change of lifestyle and stuff that the Army is going to bring to my life...There's no reason for me not to be proud...I'll be serving my country in the most powerful military force in the world while getting training and experience in a field that I can actually use in the civilian world whenever it is that I decide to get out...

...oh, and I didn't even get a bookbag!! How fucked is that!?! I'm missing out on the cool Army swag...

The Calm AFTER the Storm

2005-09-28T09:02:00.000-05:00

“If you always put limits on yourself and the things you can do, physical or anything, you might as well be dead. It will spread into your work, your morality, your entire being. There are no limits, only plateaus. But then you must not stay there. You must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you.”
Bruce Lee

Okay...things have calmed down a bit...I talked to my recruiter yesterday and he's not upset with me, but apparently the station commander isn't exactly happy about me not signing...He seems to think he put in a bunch of work to get me to where I am now...He wasn't the one busting his ass to lose weight...He wasn't the one that had to deal with his father's accusations that he's anorexic...He wasn't the one that had to deal with comments like, "Your skinny as death! Is that what the Army wants!?" Apparently it is...I mean, everyone else outside of the recruiting office has been so supportive and has told me I've done the right thing but not signing for a job I didn't want...Even people in the Army! So right now I'm just waiting until I go down again next week...I keep dropping weight, which I hafta be careful of because if I drop more than six pounds, I'll get disqualified for losing too much weight too fast...Now wouldn't that be something! The first time I went down there, I was DQ'd for weighing too much and by the third time I'm getting DQ'd for losing too much...Apparently they don't understand concepts like "water weight" or anything...Blah...Oh well...I means I don't hafta be AS strict with my diet this week as I was before I went last time...yay...hehe...I must say that those days following the MEPS trip were great...hehe...I don't think I had an actual "home-cooked" meal from Thursday night to Saturday afternoon...I enjoyed pasta, pizza, Mexican food, ice cream and pancakes...hehe...And yet I weigh less NOW than before MEPS...It's amazing how the body works...

Anyway...I've been doing some research and now have a list of 5 jobs that I'm willing to sign for...I should really look for more, but I've tried, and I just can't find something out of the 212 jobs the Army offers that I might be interested in...I don't really wanna do an admin job, either...God I wish I were male so I could go be a Airborne Ranger!! HOOAH! HIGHSPEED! Hehe...anyway...If any of y'all have any job advice, drop me a line! AIM (ArmyBrat97b) or Yahoo! (wannabesoldier83)...

Have a great day!

Will I Ever Give Up??

2005-09-24T18:06:00.000-05:00

"Those who expect to reap the blessing of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
Thomas Paine

Well, let's see...I went down to Chicago on Tuesday, and processed on Wednesday...BUT...ran into a big, fucking wall...

I passed everything finally...weight...body fat...all that bullshit...My hardwork finally paid off...I could finally fuckin' enlist in the damn Army...

But...went in to talk to a job counselor...He asked me what I wanted to do, and I told him 97B/E...Apparently, he couldn't find me a slot for training...Said there was a slot for 98Y...Didn't want that job, refused to sign for it...I kept getting told by the counselors and my own recruiters told me to take it then reclass for the job I wanted once I was in...I wanted to scream, "DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING STUPID!?! ONCE I SIGN THAT, THERE AIN'T SHIT Y'ALL CAN DO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!!" I was so pissed...I got treated like I was an idiot who was throwing away a some great opportunity...Bullshit...My recruiter's boss told me there's nothing he can do to help me until I sign that contract...I was down in MEPS without my recruiter or anything, so there was nothing I was going to do at that time unless they came up with a slot for the job I wanted...My recruiters dropped the ball, I was unprepared for the possibility that the MOS I wanted wouldn't be available...In fact, I was under the impression that I would, with my qualifications, have no problem getting the MOS...Blah...Apparently, I'm going back on the 4th to try again...Hopefully, a slot will open up, but this time I have backup MOSs that I'm willing to sign for...Thanks, in no part, to my own recruiters...But I know other recruiters and they've been helping me because they think what happened was bullshit...Blah...It's so frustrating!! I literally worked my ass off to get to that point, and I was not going to settle for anything less than what I wanted...*sigh*

Help!!

Four Days

2005-09-16T12:43:00.000-05:00

“I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, and torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

I know, I know...another Nietzche quote...deal with it...hehe...

Anyway...I have four days (Today, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday) before I head to MEPS again. Tomorrow is my 68-day anniversary...hehe...In other words, 68 days ago I was DQ'd because I'm just too fat...lol...rightttt...This morning at the gym, one of the regulars, who loves to greet me with "Whaddup bitch!," told me I was wasting away - "Do they want you under 100lbs or what!?" I laughed...Not even close...

But yeah, I went into to see my recruiter yesterday and I was still technically over...All I need to do is drop like 3 pounds and beef up my forearms (probably doable), wrists (not likely), and neck (I'll try, I guess...)...I feel like a total slug today becaues I didn't go run this morning...It was cold and rainy, and I only ate about 800 calories yesterday; my body just wasn't up for a 4-miler this morning...Hell, it was almost useless for me to go at all...My alarm went off at 0430, but I got up to shut it off and crawl back into bed (since the weather was crappy, I didn't need to be out early to run)...But my dad's stupid, fucking wife was up getting ready for work, slamming cupboards shut...for like, 20 minutes, all I heard was "SLAM!"...I was so close to going downstairs and slamming her face into one of the cupboards...Goddamn trailer trash bitch...Geezus christ...She throws temper tantrums for no good reason, and it's always inevitably my fault...She hates that I rank higher than she does in my dad's life...HELLO! I'm his daughter...Anywayyyy...I basically went to the gym for an hour, came back home, slept for an hour, had breakfast, crawled back into bed and read (Once a Runner by J. Parker)...I finished The Warrior Elite Wednesday...God that book made me wanna be a SEAL...damn gender restrictions...oh well...

So yeah, here I am...just waiting for these four days to pass by...hoping I drop those three pounds...I'm taking three types of laxatives (gross, I know...but, like Larry the Cable Guy says, "GIT 'ER DUN!"...a diuretic...and eating under 1000 calories a day...Not fun...I have no energy for anything else...Hell, I'm in bed by 2000-2030 most nights just waiting for sleep to overtake me...The Army should just let me in based on pure dedication alone...Seriously...I'm college-educated and in shape...so I don't meet some damn, arachic standards, big fuckin' deal...I'm not gonna die of a heart attack or anything during BCT...I have under 22% body fat, but according to the Army, I have over 35%...Seriously...Whatever...Yet still I push for this...God I am S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N!! If I can get through this shit, BCT should be no problem...hehe...I know how far my body can go...blah...

Anywayyyy...I think I'm done with my rant for the day...Ya know, reading my journal, someone might think I have bipolar or something...One day, I'm all "HOOAH" for the Army...the next day, I'm bitching about it...I pray that things change once I get in...My recruiter told me yesterday, "I cannot wait until you pick your job so you're done putting up with this BS!" Yeah, me too...

On a small side note, check out the Recruiter's blog in my links...It's really interesting to see things from the other side of this process...Makes me wonder what my recruiter calls me when I'm not around...Although, I'm in that damn office so much, they all know me by name...hehe...

Two steps forward...

2005-09-12T06:46:00.000-05:00

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not: unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. PERSISTENCE and DETERMINATION ALONE are OMNIPOTENT."
Calvin Coolidge.

Mornin' y'all...well, I just got back from my morning run and cardio session at the gym, and I must say that I feel great...A lot better than the other day when I posted...My run time was better than normal, and the run itself seemed a lot easier than in the past...It's a good li'l 3.75 mile path with some small hills and turns and stuff...good to do at 0500...Then I went and did another hour of cardio at the gym, since I run the block right outside of it...I just feel refreshed! I guess sometimes it takes a li'l perspective in order to make sure that you're going in the right direction with your life, eh?? I guess the other day was my "one step back" in this whole journey...I must say I'm still scared about the whole thing, but I guess that's to be expected. I mean, joining the military is a big committment, and people have told me they'd be worried if I wasn't scared...I know that I'll do fine during Basic and I think I'll really enjoy the military lifestyle...Granted, I know there are things about the civilian world that I'll miss...Oh well, such is the price...

Anyway, I have eight more days until I can go back to MEPS...I'm kinda nervous about making weight and everything...I should be fine...No, I take that back, I will be fine. I will get everything I want and walk outta that MEPS building finally with some closure in my life...hehe...I really should ask my recruiter what exactly I can get in my contract, although I know I've asked him that a thousand times...Just gotta keep him on his toes...

Alright y'all...it's breakfast time...

Not a Good Sign

2005-09-10T11:07:00.000-05:00

“The voice of intelligence...is drowned out by the roar of fear. It is ignored by the voice of desire. It is contradicted by the voice of shame. It is biased by hate and extinguished by anger. Most of all it is silenced by ignorance.”
Karl Menninger

Okay...I dunno what my deal is this morning, but I've been hit with a bit of trepidation when it comes to this whole Army thing...Lately, I've been coming down with fevers every other night or so, and I can't figure out why...Possibly the diet I'm on? I wonder what kind of damage I'm doing to my health. I no longer enjoy working out...In fact, I dread it...I dread waking up in the morning because it just means I gotta step on that scale and see where my weight is at today...That itself can ruin a whole day...So it's gotten me thinking that maybe joining the military isn't such a great move on my part. I don't know. A big part of me wants to - I want to do something good with my life, something I can be proud of...however, at the same time, I want to be able to be healthy and alive to enjoy the merits of my work. I mean, for the past 2 years, I've basically been planning on going into the Army, but if I don't, then what? Do I revert back to my old goals of becoming a lawyer?

I think in the end, my biggest fear is that if I don't do this, I'll be seen as a quitter, a failure, someone who gives up when the going gets tough...That's why, when I read Mr. Menniger's quote in my file, I felt compelled to post. Has the voice of intelligence in my life been taken away by one of those things - fear, desire, shame, hate, anger, ignorance? Fear that if I don't do this, I'll regret it somehow or fail at it? Desire to do something good with my life that for some reason I feel can only be accomplished in the military? Shame of what others would think of me for quitting, giving up? Hate...okay, I don't know how this one fits in here. Anger towards myself for not being strong enough to buck up and take it like a soldier would? Ignorance of the real harm I'm doing to myself, physically and emotionally?

What's a girl to do? I know I could talk to my recruiter about this, but I'm scared that he'll freak out on me...I really don't know where this is coming from, but I have a pretty good idea...

I'm just sitting here in front of my computer crying because I feel so...lost.

We know where Andy's mojo is, but where's mine?!

2005-09-09T12:56:00.000-05:00

“He who has a WHY to live for can endure almost any HOW.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

Well, let’s see…according to my new countdown, I have eleven days left before I get to go to MEPS…yay…Lemme tell y’all something: I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL I SIGN THOSE DAMN PAPERS SO I CAN EAT NORMAL AGAIN!! OMG! I swear I’m living on under 1000 calories a day…In fact, according to http://www.fitday.com, I am! Not smart…and I think it’s seriously catching up to me! This morning, I was up at 0530, no problem…went downstairs and grabbed a banana…checked my weight (same as yesterday morning)…enjoyed the banana and my caffeine pills (hey, it’s 0530! I need something to wake me up!)…Then checked my messages from overnight, and saw one from my friend out in HI (he’s stationed there for now)…Turned out he was online, so we chatted for two damn hours…by the time we got done, I had little moto to hit the running paths, but I did anyway…After all, I was just going for two miles to check my time…and I could feel it…I seriously kept waiting for some old guy to WALK past me this morning…I mean, it was under my personal max-allowable time, but it was also about 45 seconds slower than what I normally consider a slow pace…Overall, I would like to cut a minute and 15 seconds off today’s time prior to shipping out…I know I can do it…It’s simply a matter of gittin’ ‘er done, eh? Easier said than done!

So, I finished my run and headed to the gym to do an addition 45 minutes of cardio on the elliptical…To be quite honest, I’m surprised I finished…It was either my energy levels or my moto, but one of them was sure lagging…one of the aerobic instructors came up to me and told me I look great, and that my coloring is wonderful (fake tan!)…I just laughed…It’s getting harder and harder to take compliments without biting someone’s head off about the stupid Army…hehe…I mean, it’s not like it’s their fault the Army uses archaic measuring methods…There’s about 12-15% difference in body fat percentage between the Army method and a seven-site skinfold test (way more accepted and accurate). Oh well…Just gotta keep on truckin’, eh??

Overall, that’s about the extent of my day’s activities so far…up, run, gym…sit around…hehe…I need to find a job…

Oh well…eleven days and ten pounds and counting!

Status Update

2005-09-08T12:35:00.000-05:00

"Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory."
Mahatma Gandhi

So...let's see...where were we last? Oh yeah...Eleven days...Ha...I was unsure if I could process since the 17th was a Saturday, and I found out that it's a non-processing Saturday (sometimes, normally prior to Mission Day, they open up processing on Saturdays)...So, now I hafta wait until that following Tuesday to go down...I guess they had some problems from other stations where recruiters were falling asleep on the drive to/from Chicago, so they've put a new procedure in place...Every Tuesday, a shuttle from Lansing goes to Chicago for those of us "fat" recruits that hafta process through their ARMS program...Anyway...By then, if I drop another 5-10lbs I should actually be under the normal Army regulations anyway, and won't have to go through the ARMS program...But, since Chicago was the MEPS that first DQ'd me, I hafta go back there and process...jerks...But, unlike last visit, I'm not going on Mission Day, so I hopefully will get outta there by 4-5pm Wednesday (hopefully way sooner, depending on if I'm the only one going or not)...My recruiter already told me he's taking me to lunch wherever I wanna go...I told him the Italian Oven and Cold Stone...hehe...So, the countdown now stands at twelve days...blah...Twelve more days of this crappy diet I'm on...I can do it...I can do it...I can do it...Right?? *sigh*

My 'Door'

2005-09-06T08:57:00.000-05:00

"Runners, though, don't always seem to be skilled at going through those open doors....it seems like many of us, as runners, spend our entire running lives trying to break through closed doors."
John Bingham

Mornin' y'all...I just had to write because something hit me this morning...I was at the gym after my morning run, doing another 45 minutes of cardio on the elliptical machine...To make the time pass quickly, I was reading the recent issue of Runner's World...In it was an article by Mr. Bingham titled "The Doors." It was about how sometimes, runners can be stubborn and keep gunning for closed doors (like a 25-minute 5K for a 6mph runner or something) instead of accepting the already open doors. Basically, it was a spinoff of the whole, "When one door closes, another door opens" line of thinking. Anywayyy...it got me thinking about things...Maybe that runner mentality of always running into the closed door has kept me going. Always pushing myself towards something seemingly impossible, but I know doors break. People keep telling me I'm stubborn because I'm no matter how many times I keep getting pushed down by the Army, I get back up, dust myself off, and start again. So when I read the above sentence in that article, it just got me thinking about how running has helped me get through a lot of crap. When I'm out running, my mind is gone...it's free to just think about things...and to push myself as hard as I can or want to. It's taught me that the body will overcome pretty much anything, and that most of the time, it's the mind, the spirit, that stops someone from doing his/her best. And, well, my mind is set on joining, so I will continue to push myself until I get there, because I know when I set my mind to something, I pretty much am the only person who can stop myself from achieving it. I will get there...

Eleven days and counting...

You can read Mr. Bingham's article here.

Oh fuck...long overdue update...

2005-09-05T21:35:00.000-05:00

"This is my body. And I can do whatever I want to it. I can push it. Study it. Tweak it. Listen to it. Everybody wants to know what I'm on. What am I on? I'm on my bike busting my ass six hours a day. What are you on?"
Lance Armstrong

Okay...haven't updated this in a while, and things have changed...kinda...So, here's the scoop...

Early July:
Finally made everything, according to my recruiters...my measurements and stuff were good to go...so they sent me to MEPS, in Chicago, a 5-6 hr drive...They projected me on Friday for a Monday date to get my physical and sign everything...Leaving that office that day, I cried because for the first time in my life I was finally proud of something that I had done in my life. Forget losing 100lbs...Forget graduating college summa cum laude with two majors and a minor, all in four years...Nope...Didn't compare to what I was feeling as I drove home...Anyway...Went to Chicago on Sunday...one of the other recruiters drove me and two other recruits down there because he was more familiar with the area than my recruiter was...Anyway...Sunday night I spent talking to this really cool guy that was also joining the Army...Was at the MEPS building by 0530 Monday morning...Apparently, the AF had spiffed my records, meaning they took ownership...so, for the next two hours, I spent running back and forth between the Army liason office and the reception area trying to get the Army to get ownership of my records...Finally ended up starting the physical at about 0730...did all the sight/hearing/bloodwork stuff first...Then, they weighed me, and I was over, which I knew I would be...but my measurements should have been good to go...SHOULD HAVE BEEN...the MEPS personnel measured me 2" bigger than what my recruiters had measured on Friday...The placement of their measurement was too low...Anyway...The formula that they use DQ'd me for 68 days...The recruiter I was with was pissed...Making phone calls and everything...Apparently, he got the MEPS people to admit they fucked up my measurement, and they wanted me to stay another night to get re-taped Tuesday...I said "No way!" Mind you, I was hungry, dehydrated, and didn't have clean clothes for another night in Chicago...I hadn't eaten since Saturday except for a salad Sunday night...I wasn't in the best of moods and I wasn't about to let them pressure me into staying another night...Anyway...MY recruiter gets on the phone with me...I was sitting on the floor in the recruiters' lounge because the recruiter I was with (and whose phone I was on) had the cell plugged into the wall to recharge it...Anyway...My recruiter pleads with me to stay another night...Promised to take me out for ice cream when I got back (LOL!)...At that point, I started sobbing...Everything that I had been through finally came to an abrupt halt and I just broke down...I swear, there were 8-10 recruiters in that lounge who all started freaking out about this poor girl on the floor sobbing...The recruiter I was with finally took the phone and I went back out in the main waiting area...I didn't end up staying the night and by the time the other two recruits I went with had processed, it was 0030 TUESDAY morning...At about 0230, we stopped at McDonalds and I got a large fry and a large chocolate (I HATE CHOCOLATE - WTF?!) shake...gone in under 5 minutes...The recruiter was like, "Damn girl, if I had known you were that hungry, I woulda stopped sooner!" I didn't realize how hungry I was...I even bought a gallon of water at the gas station and had a majority of that gone by the time I pulled into my driveway at 0715 TUESDAY morning...That trip totally taught me about the "Hurry up and wait!" military mentality...

ast forward a few weeks later:
My recruiter had mananged to get a courtesy tape at another MEPS to prove that Chicago fucked up...So, off we went...luckily, it was only an hour drive away...I get there...Get measured...FOUR INCHES SMALLER THAN AT CHICAGO! FOUR INCHES!! Anyway...I had also lost about 5 pounds and my upper body measurements were smaller, so I was still technically over...BUT FOUR INCHES!! Damn...Anyway...the Chicago MEPS basically said, "Hey, you're still fat, so you hafta wait out the rest of your 68 day TDQ." Heh...Yay...

Today:
Today marks the 12-day countdown until my 68-day waiting period is over...keep losing a little more weight...the Chicago MEPS originally wanted me to lose 17lbs...I've lost about 7 of that so far...either way, if I'm over, they'll re-tape me...And I've been told repeatedly, if I have a problem with where the MEPS personnel are measuring me (like that I think it's not in the regulation area) SPEAK UP! But be polite about it...

So yeah...that's where I am now...coming to the close of Monday...Tomorrow marks 11 days...Hopefully I can keep up my "Hooah-highspeed" attitude...I'll keep y'all updated...

G'nite y'all! =)

Contact info (in case you have words of encouragement or advice):
AOL IM: Armybrat97b
Yahoo!: wannabesoldier83

I'm a persistent fuck, that's for sure!

2005-06-19T21:34:00.000-05:00

"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

Walter Bagehot

God, I'm really bad with updating this thing. I was just reading my friends journal, and I guess it inspired me to update my own, especially considering all the shit that's been going on lately. Blah. Here we go...

Didn't make the 29 Apr. goal that I had set for myself. Or at least, I don't think I did. I might have. But it wasn't enough, as you can probably tell by the fact that I'm still here and not out busting my ass in Ft. Jackson, SC. God, I've been dicked around so much by the Army lately, it's amazing! Let me start as close to previous entry as I can get...

I went on vacation in early May. 8 May 2005, to be exact, I got in my car and drove to Tennessee for a week, and then it was off to Colorado for a week after that. Anyway...On the Thursday before I left (5 May 2005), I went and saw my recruiter. I was six pounds away from where I needed to be. SO FUCKING CLOSE I COULD TASTE IT (frankly, it didn't taste good at that point). He was like, "If you can lose the 6lbs over the weekend and postpone your vacation, we can get you in the Army next week." I knew I could lose the weight. Six pounds is easy. It wouldn't have been healthy though. I was already dehydrated and cranky from not eating as it was. I would hafta keep that up for four or five days. All the recruiters in the office (except mine) were like, "C'mon, you can do this," and crap. I was like, "Let me make a phone call." I tried calling my dad, but he wasn't in his office. So I called my boss. She's great. Told me she could help me lose the weight (she's a figure competitor), but ultimately it was my decision. This was something I've been working my ass off for for a while, and I'm this close I should just go for it, but at the same time, I was dying right then and it would screw up the much-needed vacation both she and I knew I needed. Still distraught, but now more confident I could do it, my recruiter takes me out back. Seriously, I don't know where the bad rap that recruiters get comes from, but mine is a great one. Tells me, "Chelsea, I know you can do it, but I don't think you should. We'll get you in the Army eventually. Besides, the Army likes its recruits alive." So it was there that I decided I wasn't going to be in the Army before my vacation. Since then, it seemed like it all went downhill! Heh...I gained twenty pounds over my vacation, but dammit, I felt good!! I had tanned and shit, and people were like, "Chelsea, you look so much healthier now!" The weight was easy to get off, already gone, but I'm still about 5-10 pounds over where they need me at.

Let me tell you about the latest mind fuck they put me through. Went in on 10 June 2005, and got weighed and measured. The station commander said at that point I was .08% over, but not to worry because they'd have me in the Army by next Friday. Well, today is 19 June 2005, Sunday, and I'm still not in. Wanna know why? Okay! I LOST two pounds over the weekend, went into the recruiting station, and some other recruiter measured me. Calculations put me at 2.5% OVER. AFTER LOSING TWO POUNDS AND BEING SO CLOSE THE FIRST TIME. I wanted to die. I was so frustrated at that point, I was ready to give up on the Army and my goals and my heart - something I just don't do! Oh...I forgot to mention that the week prior, 8 June 2005, I had a meeting with a Navy recruiter. Apparently, my father and his wife had been badgering them to get ahold of me because they were worried about what I was doing to get into the Army and that I would have to deal with harassment for the rest of my military career in the Army. I agreed, grudgingly mind you, to meet with the Navy. Shit. That was stupid. Except for the whole ship thing, the Navy seemed like the best option. It fulfilled my intellectual side that calls for a challenge and all that, but it didn't quelch my "warrior spirit." I could have easily gotten into the Army under their guidelines. And they would have guaranteed everything I wanted. I went over there that same Friday I measured .08% over and talked with them again. Didn't agree to anything except yet ANOTHER meeting on Tuesday. Well, Monday, after all the shit with the Army, I almost marched over to their office and said, "PUT ME IN!" But rationality got the best of me for once in this whole ordeal.

So here it is, 19 June 2005, and I'm still not in the military. I don't want to be on a ship, but I'm not ruling out the Navy yet. I went into work one day to talk to a member that I had known was in the Navy. She loved her experience and I walked away from that conversation a little more optimistic about the Navy, but as I was walking out my OTHER boss (former Army SSGT.) looked at me and said three little words that fucked up my day: "Follow your heart." My heart says Army. I can't give that up. I've been working so hard to get in, that anything other than the Army would be settling or so it seems. I know that the Navy would be a great option, but for now it's a second option, a plan B. I'm still gunning for the Army. However, I've given myself another deadline. 13 July 2005 - my 22nd birthday. If I cannot get in the Army by then, I've decided that it was not meant to be. I cannot keep pushing myself to unhealthy limits. I realize that joining the Navy would not be settling or giving up or anything second rate. I would still be doing the one thing I wanted most in a military career - serve my country. I would just being doing it under a different title - sailor and not soldier. For now though, Toby Keith's "American Soldier" keeps me going for my goals and my recruiter keeps motivating me and is there listening to me bitch about the Army and their restrictions. He told me the other day that the restrictions are stupid because I'm in better shape than anyone in his office. Good to know, but does me no good. But I must say that he does not tolerate pain pills well. In an email responding to something I said about how I was going to kick my ass to get in, he replied, "AAAWE, you so cute. Keep doing what you gotta and we get you cute sewf in da Armee." I laughed my ass off for days!

Anyway...if y'all reading this have any tidbits of motivation or inspiration, or your own experiences with the military, feel free to get ahold of me on Yahoo! Instant Messenger under the screenname wannabesoldier83. I appreciate anything anyone has to say.

Oops...

2005-04-17T21:33:00.000-05:00

“When I serve my country as a soldier, I’m not going to serve her as a Democrat or as a Republican, I’m going to serve her as an American.” -– Anton Myrer

Oops...I forgot to update this thing like I said I would...Story of my life, eh? Hehe...Anyway...

Went and saw the recruiter 1 April 2005...By that time I had dropped about 19lbs from 14 March 2005...That's an achievement...However, it wasn't a big enough achievement as my weight combined with my measurements put me at 37% body fat by way of a tape measure (totally inaccurate)...Thing is, my boss did a seven-site caliper test on me and I was at 17% according to the calipers...Tells ya how inaccurate the tape test is...The recruiter even admitted that it's totally inaccurate, but unfortunately it would be too much of a hassle to train all the medical people in the Army to do caliper tests...It's really not that hard...It's simply a matter of knowing where to pinch! Must be a sign of how smart the Army med guys are, eh?? Oh well...There's a pilot program in Chicago (and by 'pilot' I mean test, not like, flying...) where they're letting people in that test at up to 35% body fat, so that's why I've been working my ass off (Literally!) to get in...Seriously...My recruiter was like, "You have a skinny li'l neck, teeny wrists, but your hips are just a little too big right now." And he's right...that's what's throwing off my measurements...It really sucked, because I went in and weighed myself and he measured me then put the numbers in the computer and it came out to like, 34.72%, so I was all excited/nervous...Shortly after that, I had to go out to my car to get a card (SS, insurance, driver's license) for him, and when I came back in, he was like, "Uh...you need to go weigh yourself again...the scale was off." I was like, "I knew it was too much weight to have lost" (26lbs in two weeks?? I didn't think so!). So I went and re-weighed myself, and I was 10lbs heavier...then he wanted to measure my height to make sure I was right about being 5'5"...turns out I'm 5'4"...So, in the span of 10 minutes, I gained ten pounds and lost an inch!! Not a good day overall...

So, today, I started a new supplement/training regiment...I swear I'm taking in upwards of 50 pills a day of supplements...*sigh*...It's not fun, trying to remember when to take everything and at what dosage, but that's why I printed off supplement logs to help me keep track...I am so anal...Anyway...My goal is drop 15-20lbs by next Friday, 29 April 2005...If I can do that, I should be able to get into the Chicago program...Only, there's a slight problem...I was informed in the latter part of the week last week that they are probably going to end the Chicago program soon...They were testing it on a certain number of people, and I guess, according to my recruiter, they're close to that number...So I've really gotta get my ass in gear these next two weeks and hope that I make it before they cancel the program...If they do cancel before I can get in, then I have to work myself down to 32% body fat by the tape test...Which probably means another, oh, 15-20lbs...and by that time, I'll actually more than likely be at the maximum weight for my height...We'll see...Wish me luck!!

One week down...one week to go...

2005-03-21T22:33:00.000-05:00

"You can endure anything for two weeks." -- My boss

Well, I've made it one week so far...From last Monday to Friday, I lost 8lbs...I'll find out tomorrow how much I've lost in the seven days...I can't say it's easy because it isn't...I'm not even sure if it's worth it, yet...It's Easter time and there's candy ALL OVER the freakin' place...Next Monday, when this is all over, I'm eating a Tri-o-Plex bar and a nice big protein shake...how fucked is it that that's what I'm craving right now?? Can we say "gym rat"??

I have learned a couple things though:

1) I HATE COFFEE...I don't care what flavor it is, it still tastes like shit! I got some tea tonight, and that is much better...okay, not much, but it's an improvement...

2) REAL grapefruit tastes nothing like grapefruit pop...Here, I thought I would hate grapefruit because I hate Ruby Red Squirt...nope...tastes pretty damn good...

3) My appetite is a lot smaller when I'm sick...blah...

I'll try and update this tomorrow with my week weight loss...hope it's at least ten pounds...

G'nite...getting ready to watch the Jeff Foxworthy roast...GIT-R-DONE! =)

"Diet"...

2005-03-15T22:32:00.000-05:00

“If a warrior is to succeed at anything, the success must come gently, with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obsession.”
-- Carlos Castanada

Well all, yesterday marked the beginning of this stupid ass diet I promised someone I'd do with him. Omg, it's insane. Flies in the face of everything I know to be right. Three meals a day. Low-carb. Eggs up the ass! *sigh* Add to that the fact that I'm sick, and it doesn't make for a happy Chelsea...but, like my boss said, I can endure anything for two weeks (that's how long we have to do this "diet"). I keep telling myself that this short-term misery is worth the long-term satisfaction an enlistment would bring...right?? Supposedly this "diet" will help me drop 20lbs in the next two weeks. Hey, that's 20lbs closer to where I need to be...

I also hired a trainer to help me out. I think he thinks I'm crazy for doing this stupid "diet," but once the two weeks is up, he gets to push me around, diet-wise. Already told me I'm getting my fruit cut out of my normal diet. Dammit. I have a sweet tooth! I need my fruit!! Oh well...I can endure anything...What doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger, right!? I want this Army thing so bad I can taste it...

Anyway, I need to get dressed...blah...