I'm a persistent fuck, that's for sure!

"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

Walter Bagehot


God, I'm really bad with updating this thing. I was just reading my friends journal, and I guess it inspired me to update my own, especially considering all the shit that's been going on lately. Blah. Here we go...

Didn't make the 29 Apr. goal that I had set for myself. Or at least, I don't think I did. I might have. But it wasn't enough, as you can probably tell by the fact that I'm still here and not out busting my ass in Ft. Jackson, SC. God, I've been dicked around so much by the Army lately, it's amazing! Let me start as close to previous entry as I can get...

I went on vacation in early May. 8 May 2005, to be exact, I got in my car and drove to Tennessee for a week, and then it was off to Colorado for a week after that. Anyway...On the Thursday before I left (5 May 2005), I went and saw my recruiter. I was six pounds away from where I needed to be. SO FUCKING CLOSE I COULD TASTE IT (frankly, it didn't taste good at that point). He was like, "If you can lose the 6lbs over the weekend and postpone your vacation, we can get you in the Army next week." I knew I could lose the weight. Six pounds is easy. It wouldn't have been healthy though. I was already dehydrated and cranky from not eating as it was. I would hafta keep that up for four or five days. All the recruiters in the office (except mine) were like, "C'mon, you can do this," and crap. I was like, "Let me make a phone call." I tried calling my dad, but he wasn't in his office. So I called my boss. She's great. Told me she could help me lose the weight (she's a figure competitor), but ultimately it was my decision. This was something I've been working my ass off for for a while, and I'm this close I should just go for it, but at the same time, I was dying right then and it would screw up the much-needed vacation both she and I knew I needed. Still distraught, but now more confident I could do it, my recruiter takes me out back. Seriously, I don't know where the bad rap that recruiters get comes from, but mine is a great one. Tells me, "Chelsea, I know you can do it, but I don't think you should. We'll get you in the Army eventually. Besides, the Army likes its recruits alive." So it was there that I decided I wasn't going to be in the Army before my vacation. Since then, it seemed like it all went downhill! Heh...I gained twenty pounds over my vacation, but dammit, I felt good!! I had tanned and shit, and people were like, "Chelsea, you look so much healthier now!" The weight was easy to get off, already gone, but I'm still about 5-10 pounds over where they need me at.

Let me tell you about the latest mind fuck they put me through. Went in on 10 June 2005, and got weighed and measured. The station commander said at that point I was .08% over, but not to worry because they'd have me in the Army by next Friday. Well, today is 19 June 2005, Sunday, and I'm still not in. Wanna know why? Okay! I LOST two pounds over the weekend, went into the recruiting station, and some other recruiter measured me. Calculations put me at 2.5% OVER. AFTER LOSING TWO POUNDS AND BEING SO CLOSE THE FIRST TIME. I wanted to die. I was so frustrated at that point, I was ready to give up on the Army and my goals and my heart - something I just don't do! Oh...I forgot to mention that the week prior, 8 June 2005, I had a meeting with a Navy recruiter. Apparently, my father and his wife had been badgering them to get ahold of me because they were worried about what I was doing to get into the Army and that I would have to deal with harassment for the rest of my military career in the Army. I agreed, grudgingly mind you, to meet with the Navy. Shit. That was stupid. Except for the whole ship thing, the Navy seemed like the best option. It fulfilled my intellectual side that calls for a challenge and all that, but it didn't quelch my "warrior spirit." I could have easily gotten into the Army under their guidelines. And they would have guaranteed everything I wanted. I went over there that same Friday I measured .08% over and talked with them again. Didn't agree to anything except yet ANOTHER meeting on Tuesday. Well, Monday, after all the shit with the Army, I almost marched over to their office and said, "PUT ME IN!" But rationality got the best of me for once in this whole ordeal.

So here it is, 19 June 2005, and I'm still not in the military. I don't want to be on a ship, but I'm not ruling out the Navy yet. I went into work one day to talk to a member that I had known was in the Navy. She loved her experience and I walked away from that conversation a little more optimistic about the Navy, but as I was walking out my OTHER boss (former Army SSGT.) looked at me and said three little words that fucked up my day: "Follow your heart." My heart says Army. I can't give that up. I've been working so hard to get in, that anything other than the Army would be settling or so it seems. I know that the Navy would be a great option, but for now it's a second option, a plan B. I'm still gunning for the Army. However, I've given myself another deadline. 13 July 2005 - my 22nd birthday. If I cannot get in the Army by then, I've decided that it was not meant to be. I cannot keep pushing myself to unhealthy limits. I realize that joining the Navy would not be settling or giving up or anything second rate. I would still be doing the one thing I wanted most in a military career - serve my country. I would just being doing it under a different title - sailor and not soldier. For now though, Toby Keith's "American Soldier" keeps me going for my goals and my recruiter keeps motivating me and is there listening to me bitch about the Army and their restrictions. He told me the other day that the restrictions are stupid because I'm in better shape than anyone in his office. Good to know, but does me no good. But I must say that he does not tolerate pain pills well. In an email responding to something I said about how I was going to kick my ass to get in, he replied, "AAAWE, you so cute. Keep doing what you gotta and we get you cute sewf in da Armee." I laughed my ass off for days!

Anyway...if y'all reading this have any tidbits of motivation or inspiration, or your own experiences with the military, feel free to get ahold of me on Yahoo! Instant Messenger under the screenname wannabesoldier83. I appreciate anything anyone has to say.