Oh no, not again

"You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish, if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose."

Abraham Lincoln

I dunno what my deal is, but my motivation has been severely lacking these past few days...and my appetite is way up...Not a good combination...I need to get my ass back in gear...I need a big kick in the ass...I should go to the DEP meetings or something...

Someone help...I need some outside motivation because I'm obviously lacking the internal motivation...

Growing Up

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.”
William Shakespeare from Julius Cesar

So, yeah, I went out again last night, but this time I only had three drinks. Didn't even feel a buzz...Went with my new favorite Amerretto Sour, had a Sex on the Beach, and then some guy handed me an Alligator Piss (Peach Schnapps, Southern Comfort, Amerretto, and Sour - looked like Mt. Dew). I had a ton of fun last night, though...Got to hang out with Derek and Jason, whom I really haven't seen since high school almost five years ago...We kept talking about how old we're getting and everything...It was weird...It sucks that I'm reconnecting with some old friends before I ship out...

Which brings me to the real topic of this post...I went to breakfast this morning with my dad, like we always do on Saturdays...Somehow we got on the topic of what he's gonna do with my room when I'm gone...He told me, "You realize this is a life changing thing. You won't be coming home once you're in." Then he went on about how it'll always be my 'home' and everything. He then told me how he moved back home after he served in the Marines, but his dad kicked him out. "When you're done with this [as if my military service is going to be short-term], you grow up and move on." I swear I thought he was going to cry! And it made me want to cry! Leaving my dad will be one of the hardest things I've had to do, but I told him that eventually I was going to have to grow up. I wasn't going to be one of those people that live with their parents for the rest of their lives. It just seems like the totality of the whole situation finally hit him. His baby is growing up. Ever since I enlisted, it seems like I've done a lot of growing up. It's weird. It's almost scary. But I'm 22 years old, time to grow up...I've lived with my parents my whole life and had everything handed to me.

Things just seem to be hitting me a lot harder lately...

Oh wow...

"Do you find yourself laying awake at night, thinking to yourself, 'What the fuck did I just do!?'"

My boss, Matt Smith

So, yeah...I do, Matt, thanks...hehe...He asked me that the other day while we were doing cardio...I was like, "Uh, yeah, only every other second, man!"

Anyway...Nothing really new on the Army front...I'm still set to ship on 19 Jan 06, as an 96B (intel analyst)...For now...I hafta go talk to the station commander and see if he'll reno my contract for a different job...I am not looking forward to that conversation...

But, on to other things...I have more than a few friends that have been wanting to see me drunk...I kept telling them that after I signed my enlistment contract, I would go out and get totally fucked up...Well, Saturday was my day to finally pay the piper...and boy, did I pay...In the span of 45 minutes, I drank a Bud Light, a Pina Colada, a shot of Peppermint Schnapps, a Piece of Ass, a shot of Jagermeister, and a Pixie Stix...But wait, the list doesn't end there...The remainder of the night, I had a White Russian, a Three Wisemen, two Amerretto Sours (love those!), a shot of Jose Cuervo, and an Irish Car Bomb...Now, mind you, I have never even TASTED alcohol before this night...I was a giggly-ass drunk...I kept repeating three phrases:

1) "DON'T TELL MY RECRUITER!!" At one point, I even said, "No! I'll tell him," as I grabbed for my phone...I have never seen that many people rush to grab a cell phone...I only made one drunk phone call to my friend Roni, because she called and I missed her call...She got a good laugh outta it...
2) After someone would say something about my drinking skills, I would roll up my shirt sleeve, point to my Celtic tattoos, and say "I'm Irish!"
3) I'd get these moments of clarity where my rational side would emerge and I realized just how intoxicated I was, I would then turn to my friend Aaron, hit his arm, say, "OMG! I am soooo drunk!" and then just giggle for like 2 minutes!

I also learned that I'm a geography genius when I'm drunk...I use very exaggerated hand gestures...and I talk REALLY loud...I hate tequilla; the only reason I had a shot was because I felt that I had to - it's tequilla! The waitress apparently was impressed with how well I held my liquor...I think I not only amused my friends that I was with, but also the bar patrons that were around us...Oh well...I had a good time, but I don't think this is a habit I'm going to start getting into on a regular basis...Although, Amerretto Sours do rock...God, the memories are slowly coming back...I apparently blew my friend Ben a kiss good night as he was walking away from us...I think I also told him that I was going to take the picture of us that someone took at the bar with me to basic training...I only puked twice AFTER I got home, and when I woke up Sunday morning, I felt normal...No headaches, no hangovers...The worst thing I had/have was a sore throat, probably from all the yelling I did...hehe...

Anyway...that's enough about my drunk escapades for now...There's nothing really else to report back on...

'Bout Damned Time

“Do today what others won't, so tomorrow you can do what others can't.”
Unknown

Well, it's official...I am officially a member of the US Armed Forces...I enlisted yesterday, Wednesday, 05 Oct 05, into the United States Army as a 96B - intelligence analyst...I signed for five years (although it's really eight, and if you think otherwise, you might wanna recheck that...) and received a $12K bonus...

So...that's the technical, nitty-gritty of it...What about me, personally...

Oh shit, I keep thinkin' I fucked up somehow...First of all, I wanted 37F (PSYOPS) in the worst way...Don't get me wrong, 96B was on my list and will still provide me with the training/experience in the intel field that I wanted...But, damn...I keep wondering if I shouldn't have just held out for 37F...I think part of me signing was a hesitation to go back home without a job for the second time...*sigh*...I also should have pushed for things like station of choice and Airborne guaranteed to me...So right now, I don't know how I really feel about the whole situation...All I know is that I don't feel as proud as I should...I mean, I do, but...I don't know...It's hard to put what I'm feeling into words...Standing there, taking that oath...woah man...That was a feeling I'd never felt before...That was true pride in myself and my accomplishments...Don't get me wrong about that...This is the only thing I've done so far in my life that I'm actually proud of...*sigh*...I dunno...Maybe it's just nervousness over the whole change of lifestyle and stuff that the Army is going to bring to my life...There's no reason for me not to be proud...I'll be serving my country in the most powerful military force in the world while getting training and experience in a field that I can actually use in the civilian world whenever it is that I decide to get out...

...oh, and I didn't even get a bookbag!! How fucked is that!?! I'm missing out on the cool Army swag...