Holidays Suck!!

"We have come out of the time when obedience, the acceptance of discipline, intelligent courage and resolution were most important, into that more difficult time when it is a person's duty to understand the world rather than simply fight for it."

Ernest Hemingway

Okay, so I got bad at updating this thing...my apologies...

Anyway, let's see...haha...Life sucks right now...This was my last Thanksgiving at home, and I couldn't even spend it with my dad, which was what I wanted to do...The holidays are going to be hard as hell this year because I don't have my grandma to celebrate them with. She was probably one of the most important figures in my life, and she passed away in January...It was weird, I went to grave the other day and noticed that my planned start date for BCT is the same day that she passed away...That didn't help much...ANYWAY...My dad's wife's son was over for dinner on Thanksgiving and he wasn't supposed to be...He freaks me out...Creepy as hell...My dad knows I don't like him...When I came downstairs and saw him there, I got pissed...Went back up to my room, grabbed my shit, and high-tailed it outta there to my sister's place in Mt. Pleasant...We shared a bag of popcorn and watched The Skeleton Key. It was funny...I walked in and asked if she had any alcohol...Haha...She had 5 Smirnoff Twisteds, and by the end of the night, they were all gone...Blah...Anyway...Finally got home and proceeded to get yelled at by my dad for not having any concern for him and yada yada...I finally looked at him and said, "Listen, you ruined my last Thanksgiving at home. All I wanted was to spend it with you, but nooo...because that fuckhead was here, I didn't get to. It's bad enough I don't get to spend it with my grandma, but to not get to spend it with you was too much!" It was not an easy night...I seriously wonder if dealing with the loss of my grandma will ever get easier, because it still feels as shitty as when she first passed away...Hurts like a bitch...

Anyway...weighed myself this morning - not good...haha...about 10lbs over my enlistment weight...So I wasn't too happy about that...Laced up my running shoes and hit the streets for a nice 5.25-mile run...I finished in the fastest time yet, and felt like I coulda done it all over again...and again. It was nice...Then I hit the gym for another hour of cardio and a nice chest/back workout...Still weak as fuck, but I'm getting there...Slowly but surely, right? I hope the weather stays somewhat decent so I can get back out and run some more...The treadmill just doesn't equate to the kind of free-feeling I get when I run outside...Also, time to lay the smackdown on my diet and shit...Blah...Love it...righttt...I'm kinda waiting for a phone call from my recruiter...I went in there last week for my weekly weigh-in, and just broke down to the female recruiter (she was the only one there)...Bitching about how my recruiter nor the station commander really understand how shitty it is...I seriously don't think my body is meant to be super-skinny...In fact, I think if I weighed any less than 135-140, I'd look sickly...Oh well...

Other than my struggles with my weight and the still-painful loss of my grandma, nothing else has really been going on...Just spending some time with some friends...Went out to dinner at Genji's Friday night...Word to the wise - if they ask if you want some Japanese ketchup, kindly decline...hah...I almost ended up in a fountain because of that!! Saturday night, I went over to my friend Ben's place, played cards, then we headed to the bar...He is sooo funny to be around when he's buzzing...Talking about cheese-flavored pepperoni and all that kinda stuff...Then there was the classic move I made, talking to the waiter about some drinks they had, I stumbled into a pool table and the waiter was like, "Uh...you sure you need more to drink!?" Mind you, this was after only ONE Smirnoff Twisted...I just naturally have no balance, and any alcohol seems to excaberate that problem...Then, when we got back to Ben's place, he asked if I was okay to drive (I had three drinks total), and I was like, "Yeah, I'm not drunk, I just can't walk straight!!" Haha...I rock...But, I've decided that drinking is just no good for me...I mean, sure, it's opened up my social life and shit, but shit, it's fucking with my body and crap...So I just am not going to drink anymore...*sigh*...Hmm...what else...Nothing else really has been going on...My life is kinda mellow right now, and I like it like that...Kinda working more hours at the gym and meeting more new members there, so that's cool...Enjoying my time while I have it to enjoy...Ya know, the way I talk it's like I'm dying or something!!

So, yeah, as of today, I have 51 days before I'm set to ship to Ft. Leonard Wood...Needless to say, I'm getting more and more nervous and anxious and all that shit...Been thinking maybe I should be going officer instead...Not too sure though...One side of me says that it might be the better choice for me in getting me the kinda qualifications I'll need for the civilian world after my military career...But the other side of me says that it might be best to go enlisted, get experience on the enlisted side of things, and then put in my packet for OCS...I figure within 3-6 years, I'll be an officer anyway...There's this program, the Funded Legal Education Program (FLEP), in which the military will pay you to go to law school basically...that becomes your 'job' for however many years it takes to finish, and you just owe that many years in return to the military...For example, three years is the norm to finish law school, so you go for three years, then serve at least an additional three years...Basic quals for the FLEP are to have served at least two years and be an officer with no more than six years of service...So I figure, put in two years enlisted, put in my packet for OCS, (hopefully) get my commission, then try for the FLEP...Eh...We'll see...I put in the paperwork a few weeks ago for a renegotiation of my contract to change my MOS to 37F - Psychological Operations Specialists (PSYOP), so hopefully that'll get approved and shit...I've figured maybe if that doesn't get approved, I'll go officer...Not too sure though...Big thing is, though, that if I go officer, I would prefer to do with the Marine Corps...Their OCS is so extensive and intensive, I would for sure feel confident and compotent as a leader with that training...Again, we'll see how things go...I'll definitely try to keep y'all updated as more comes about...