Not as Easy as It Looks

This is just the mindless ramblings of a college graduate (double major in political science and criminal justice) and her attempts to join the United States military. You better start here...

21 January 2006

Crying

"I've never seen someone so miserable that has a lot going for her."
Jay


I think that's what made me cry. So I'm sitting here, with tears streaming down my face, because he's right. In a way. Sure, I have a lot going for me, but none of it is what I want. I hate having goals that seem so out-of-reach some days, and then within my grasp the next. Someone is mind-fucking me! Ha...Ya know...I've dealt with so much shit trying to get into the Army, but do I give up? No. Why? I should, apparently. Any reasonable person would. Any normal person would. But guess what! I'm not normal, and I'm not reasonable when it comes to getting something I want. Yeah, the Army is kinda fucked with their regulations and the bureacratic red tape, but at least I'm not joining NOT knowing this shit. I go through all this shit because it's what I want. "Nothing worthwhile in life is easy." People tell me I'll be disappointed and all that because I've put in so much effort and all that to achieving this, but I disagree. I want this. Really. Nothing in life is completely, 100% stress-free.

I have a vacation coming up. Texas. Away from Midland. Away from Michigan. Away from the people most negative about me joining. I mean, I've had people tell me, "Chelsea, I'm glad you didn't go." I AM NOT GLAD. Don't get me wrong, I love (most of) my family and my friends...but, they don't provide with something that my life is missing. They don't give me a reason to live, ya know? They don't give my life purpose...meaning. Serving my country, doing a job that actually serves a purpose beyond myself - that does. To wake up and know that, sure, it may be a shitty day or week or month or year, but dammit, it's a good thing overall.

Done. Perhaps I need to go for a good run.

1 Comments:

  • At 22 January, 2006 12:09, Blogger SFC B said…

    Maybe it's something that will work out for you in the long run. The bonuses have been upped to 40k for the RA so maybe, when you go back down, you'll be offered more money for the very job you wanted the first time. Who knows. It will work out for you. When you get back home, go to your recruiter's office and have him use R2to find you that job. Have him check the check opportunity button until he finds it for you. It's out there. Just gotta find it.

     

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